Saturday, December 18, 2010

It’s not our option to decide if we want to live with the character of Jesus — it is something all believers are called to do and should desire. While society deems things like monogamous male-female marriage, sexual purity and belief in one God as intolerant, those are things that align us with the character of Christ. He would never ask us to belittle, reject or ridicule those that believe differently than we do, just as He would never ask us to endorse their behaviors or accept their beliefs as our own. We have to understand the difference in order to know what we believe and why that belief guides our life. Love people and accept them as a person without taking on their beliefs, when they differ from the truth in the Word. No matter what others may say, there is a difference.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

There are certain things...

Sometimes I wish I could just get lost.
Lost in His presence forever and ever.
It seems that every time there is a chance I get lost in something else.
That something else finds away of pulling me away and out of God's presence.
It is just so frustrating.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

God... I just don't know...

I was trusted.
I was trusted with nails in hands and scars on a back that tried to take the weight of the world I insisted on lifting onto my shoulders.
I was trusted with words that could heal the sick and broken.
I was trusted with a death that gave life and feet that could walk on water.
It was all I ever wanted,
and yet it was too real, and so I looked away and asked the wolrd for all the above, but could I please have what my flesh wants as well?
And I turned away and I ran. And I saw myself in the mirror too many broken pieces and too many scars on my arms, too many scabs on my legs to ever beg acceptance.
And even as those hands that trusted me ran their scarred palms over my back to calm my queezy stomach, I still held out my balled up fists and said “more”.
I want to believe that there’s still a chance for me, that hope isn’t something I could spend on empty passions and bottles of sleeping pills.
I swear I saw what love looked like in my sleep. And I felt what fullness could be if I just opened my eyes and stopped telling myself I was dreaming.
But I am doubtful in a way that would make Thomas cringe. And I am unfaithful to the point where Peter looks away from me and shakes his head.
I heard myself speaking things I swore I knew belonged to me, but I never claimed them as my own.
And now all I have are shakey hands and one foot on either side of a fence I am too afraid to tear down.
“They’re just people; they shoulodn’t make you nervous.”
What about me then? Am I also only human that I should not fear what these broken and selfish hands can do?
I have maimed and torn. I have delivered hell onto the souls of the innocent.
Who am I that you would want me to be one of the pieces in the puzzle of two becoming one? Who am I that you would wish to call me equally yoked?
Can you really clean up this disheartened smile? Can your mouth really place itself on mine and renew every curse word that has sang against you when I swore I just didn’t know better?
It’s not that I no longer have faith in you,
I just struggle to believe that you ever had faith in me.

He Loves You. He Saves You. He is Enough.

When your will to fight hangs only on the whispers of hope that dangles in front of your unwholesome mind. He will fight for you because this was never meant to be yours alone to hold. In our weakness we should find in Him our strength. In our griefs and our failures with lowly adoration His grace is made complete. The soul will always be dependent upon Grace and the more that it aspires is the more needful it will be. Without it the soul can do nothing for His perfection is sovereign and infinite.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Going against the Flow.

I read this article on and it was a big encouragement for me and the things I am going through so I wanted to share it...

If you are a 20-something member of society who is also a believer in Jesus Christ, you probably feel like you spend much of your time going against the flow.

I know it is an excruciatingly difficult place to live, as one 20-something friend recently shared with me. “In my community, it’s hard to stand for truth,” she said. “It’s even harder to know what is really true, to begin with.”

Absolute truth is not a popular topic. To some, it feels stifling. To others, it seems intolerant. Many would argue that it is far easier to live without the restrictions we sometimes see as imposing.

Jesus knew it would be this way for us. As He encouraged the Church in Thyatira to “hold tightly to what you have until I come” (Revelation 2:24b-25), He encourages us today. The reality is, regardless of your community, it’s getting noticeably tougher for all believers to make that upstream swim.

I dare say that if you believe in the way God defines marriage, in many circles, you go against the flow.

If you believe there is one way to heaven, people will stand in line to tell you different.

If you don’t take sex casually, you are in the minority.

But please know this: just because the world tells you different, that does not make you wrong. It just means that you are experiencing what Christ talked about in II Peter 2:3-4, the last day “scoffers.” This post is not a lesson in the end of the world. It’s simply a reminder that if people surround you who question your belief in God’s truth, you are right in line with what Jesus said would happen.

So, how do we stay strong when everything is pulling us away from truth? How do we know what to believe, anyway? I have a few thoughts about this that I hope will be helpful to you.

˜ Understand the difference between intolerance and a belief in personal holiness. I Peter 1:16 encourages us to, “…be holy, because I am holy.” It’s not our option to decide if we want to live with the character of Jesus — it is something all believers are called to do and should desire. While society deems things like monogamous male-female marriage, sexual purity and belief in one God as intolerant, those are things that align us with the character of Christ. He would never ask us to belittle, reject or ridicule those that believe differently than we do, just as He would never ask us to endorse their behaviors or accept their beliefs as our own. We have to understand the difference in order to know what we believe and why that belief guides our life. Love people and accept them as a person without taking on their beliefs, when they differ from the truth in the Word. No matter what others may say, there is a difference.

˜ Plant deep to stay grounded. It is more important than ever to know the Word, study the Word, and tuck it away in our heart. Our roots have to be completely embedded in the absolute truth of the Word in order to stay grounded when everything we know threatens to pull us away. Don’t dismiss the value of being in a church with like-minded believers or pursuing friendships with those who encourage you in your walk. Meet together, talk about God, and pray for each other, that your hearts will stay pure. Avoid circumstances that will lead you into compromise. Pray, and pray a lot. Use the Word as it was meant to be: your literal lifeline.

˜ Don’t become deceived. With Satan in full-time pursuit, it’s more than a little easy to become confused about what you know or at your core, believe. But remember that God’s Word is timeless, even when the world loses its moral compass. You are not dated or out of touch if you live with a belief in absolute truth. Don’t allow yourself to become deceived, becoming convinced that you are alone in your beliefs and must do what everyone else is doing. Satan’s job is to get you to think that way. With the help of the Holy Spirit, your job is to not let him convince you.

˜ Hang on tight. Jesus didn’t tell us to hang on tightly because it sounded good on paper. I believe He used that phrasing because living today requires a firm grip on what we know. I dare say with anything less than a strong grip, we won’t make it. Hang on, and keep hanging on. Your beliefs will stay intact only when you tether yourself to Him.

Friend, you may feel like you are going against the flow, and that may be more than a little difficult. But God’s Word is strong and sure, able to meet your every need and able to stand the test of thousands of years and each and every President, global crisis, and social trend. Trust in the absolute truth of Jesus. He will help you in your effort to swim in your resistant culture that chooses compromise at every turn.

Keep believing. The One you trust will never cease to be available to you, and He will never lead you into anything but truth. Absolutely.

by: Lisa White.

Hope that encouraged and helped you as much as it helped me.

HIS and yours


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

You Know.

You know everything God,
You know what's going on inside of me even though I don't understand.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where I am going. I don't know who is really real and who is fake. I thought I was okay, I though I had everything under control. I didn't think I would go through this again. These thoughts, these feelings, these sins, these regrets, these pains. I know what you're asking me to do. But I don't know if I can do it. I am not the person you want God. I'm ugly, I'm disobedient, impatient, liar, cheater, stealer, I'm afraid. Of every evil inside of me. God Help me. I can't take any more I can't be the goody girl, but I don't want to be the bad girl. Why can't I be someone in between. I'm tired of everyone telling me who I should be and how I should act. I'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of acting like I know what I'm doing. Cause let's be honest I have no clue, where I am going, where you're taking me. I'm scared. I'm pulling away. I'm running away rather than into your arms. I can't God. I can't be the person everyone wants me to be. God you know what I am, you know what I do. You know who I was you know what I've done. Help me. There are so many things to say and I don't know how. You know what's going on in my mind and my heart. I can't express it anymore. I'm tired, I'm sick, I sad, I'm exhausted, I'm frustrated, I'm angry. That's not me. I don't want to be that person again. Ever again. Help me to see what you're doing. Help me to be strong in the overwhelming weakness. I'm afraid. Be my Strength O' God. You're the only one that can save me.

Your daughter,


Monday, November 8, 2010


He is out there. My Prince. He is real. He exists. I pray for him constantly. May God satisfy the desires of his heart, draw him close, consume him. May He claim his passions, his identity, his refuge, his hopes, his strengths and weaknesses, every fiber of his being. May he treasure and cherish his Savior more than anything of this world and cling to His will with every ounce of his stamina. By all that he is, does, and strives to be, may He draw near to him and he to Him.

Friday, October 29, 2010

He has summoned you by name; You are His. Stop Running.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Draw me.

beautiful Jesus

your love amazes me

though i search to know its depths, i know it is bigger than i can comprehend

so i rest in it

i dwell in it

i find hope it

i trust in it

that you love me, simple

that you love me.

i feel sometimes that i live my life

holding your hand

walking ever closer with you

i need you

i need your love

i’m glad i dont have to earn it

because even in my failings you love me

beautiful jesus

your words are so true

I'm feeling distant from You, Lord. Draw me close. I need you.

I am Yours.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Marry the Lamb.

*The reason I am living is to marry the LAMB!*

Revelation 21:1-7
"Then I saw a heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all of this, and I will be his God and he will be my son."

Friday, September 17, 2010

In Awe, In Need.

Create in ME a clean heart, Lord. Continue to transform me and change me to be more like you, more loving, more gracious, more holy, more wise. Wash me. Help me to have a soft heart towards people, to see the best, to hope the best, to speak with kindness. Renew to me the joy of loving people and seeing them follow you. Heal where I hurt Lord and let me not live out of that place, but hidden in You, satisfied in You, strengthened in You. I yield my heart, my life, my mouth, my thoughts, my actions – all to You.

God I am in awe and in need of you tonight. I find myself being uncomfortable by things people say and movies and actions. I don't know if I should speak about it or remain silent. You say in 1 Peter 1:16 "Be holy because I am Holy. How can I be holy? In my every day life, in the things I watch, in my actions and my words. Show me Lord show me.

Your daughter,


Monday, September 13, 2010

True Leaders. True Warrior-Poets. True Men.

"Rise up, O men of God! Have done with lesser things.
Give heart and mind and soul and strength to serve the King of kings.
Rise up, O men of God! The kingdom tarries long.
Bring in the day of brotherhood and end the night of wrong.
Rise up, O men of God! The church for you doth wait,
her strength unequal to her task; rise up, and make her great!
Lift high the cross of Christ! Tread where his feet have trod.
As brothers of the Son of Man, rise up, O men of God!"

-Hymn by William P Merrill “Rise Up, O Men of God.”

What does it look like when a man truly follows Jesus?
I've only seen it once, and it pains me as much as it scares me to say that it is rare. It shouldn't be something rare, Men who follow Jesus Christ, who Shine His light through their actions, through their words, through everything. It is rare.

When I meet men on campus I just don't see Christ shining through them, Not to be a downer or anything, but I think this campus is truly lacking in male leadership. I no I have no room to talk, because I know I am no where near shining the light of Christ in everything I do. I try, but I fail daily. But I think in this there is something, I, as a women could do, as well as other women; to spur on more godly men to being sparking fires to this campus. So here are my thoughts:

How am I as a women supposed to spur on a man, how am I supposed to respond to the vast difference between the righteous standard of Christ and the disturbing reality of modern masculinity? Criticism, nagging, or piling guilt upon men will not help them battle the enemy that so often tears them down. And neither will shrugging our shoulders and sayings, "guys will be guys."

What our men really need is a serious case of the saving, redeeming, transforming, delivering power of Jesus Christ.

And as a women, I, as well as any other women, play a significant role in seeing this come to our campus. So here's some ideas from a well known author to help make a difference in the lives of the men we interact with:

Hold men to a higher standard: God has such a huge vision for the men on this campus. Whenever there is a chance to encourage a man toward nobility and greatness- don't miss the opportunity. Ask them to sit down and talk with you and without coming off as a know-it-all or nagging talk to them about the man God wants them to be, with encouragement and motivation. And when they do something less-than-Christ=like don't just accept it, rather let them know that you believe God has something so much better for them, and fight for them in diligent prayer until you see real changes happen in their lives.

Women! DON'T THROW YOURSELF AT GUYS: according to Leslie Ludy, guys say that if women would refrain from throwing themselves at one guy after the next, and hold out for a true man of Christ-like nobility, it would force guys to change. So women, ask God to overcome your impatience and give you the strength to wait for a true-warrior poet rather than settling for less just because you're afraid you'll miss your chance.

And then with patience trust in Christ, allow a guy to prove that he is truly worthy of your heart, rather than tossing it to someone who doesn't value or treasure it. It you want a warrior-poet man, then become a true women of purity who knows how to guard her heart.

But Most of all Make Jesus Christ your first love: When a women has a Christ-consumed heart, guys no longer dominate her thinking, her actions, and her decisions. Rather, the Lover of her soul captivates her so completely that every guy she meets clearly sees that Jesus is, and always will be, the number on Prince of her heart.

Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart, you'll always be looking to mere men to meet the needs that only He can fill. It's the same with men, if Jesus is not the center of their heart and their devotions they are going to fill it with women and sports and things of this world. Only when we make Jesus Christ our first love, will we be ready for a relationship, a love story that reflects His glory.

It's something I am still working on myself, daily. This isn't for other people it's for me to realize that no problem whether it is with the women or men on this campus is too big for God to handle. He has a huge vision for His men on this campus- the very standard of Jesus Christ. And for me as women, it's taking a step back, being an gentle and quiet spirit, living a life set-apart, only for my King to know that God will lead His men back to Him. Not all, Few, but He will lead them back. In that I have Faith.

Faithfully and Prayerfully Waiting.

HIS and yours,


Bottle Cap.

Where we have been and where we are is not where we are headed! We must raise our eyes to the horizon and look for His coming glory. -John Bevere

The picture above was on a Jones Soda, that I don't often drink. It made me grin ear to ear, because it's exactly what I want to do. I want to step on the soil of many countries, spreading the gospel and pouring my life out for Christ.

"Who is the man that fears the LORD? Him shall He teach in the way He chooses." -Psalm 25:12

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Don't waste your life.

God's word says, "To whom much is given, much will be required." We are the ones to whom much has been given.

My life is yours my Heavenly Bridegroom, for You are the only one that can satisfied. No earthly romance will ever do. In this life, in this singleness, I am freer than I will ever be to give my life to those in need and become Your advocate for the least around the world. Take me. Use me. Lead me.

As the summer has gone and all the things that God taught me and continues to teach me are sinking in I have realized that He has a much calling upon my life then spending all my time and energy on trying to be a perfect student, a perfect friend, and trying to find the perfect guy. Especially the last one. Paul wrote, being unmarried/ single is an amazing opportunity to serve the Lord without distraction. It's that I might find a decent Christian guy by reading books on how to get noticed, or by joining one of those Christian Singles website. But what a great adventure I will miss out on! If I were to take this pen out of God's hand and try to script it myself. What romance, beauty, and glory I'd forgo if I were to try to script this story myself.

We as humans, in our human selfish desire are so focused on ourselves and what the world is calling us to. How to get the latest styles, become more appealing to the opposite sex, money, even school. We live lives completely focused on self. Meanwhile, children are starving, women are being sold as sex slaves, and so many families are being torn apart by AIDS, diseases, and poverty.

Right now these years of my life, more than ever, I have the ability to give my life for them; to pour out my time, my energy, my love, and everything I have to them. The question I have to ask myself is am I using my gifts to serve people or am I losing them trying to use them on myself?

Right now I am dedicated these years and all the years beyond to be poured out for the glory of Christ. I am willing to lay all my own pursuits upon the altar and allow Him to make my body a living sacrifice. It may be a painful letting go of my comforts and dreams. And it means that I am and will forgo my constant striving to find my earthly prince. But I am exchanging all this for a more "hidden" life of sacrificial service to Christ. It means becoming far less "available to be noticed by guys and other people as well, and far more available for Jesus Christ's purposes. This commitment may call me to an orphanage in Africa, to a remote village in Nicaragua, or an inner-city slum. God may ask me to pour out my life for one child, or give my life to rescue hundreds.

As odd as it may sound, I believe the best way to find a godly marriage partner is to stop hunting for one, and instead focus my entire life around Jesus Christ and His priorities. I should never put off fulfilling God's calling upon my life because I haven't met the man of my dreams yet. If He wants me to be married, He is more than capable of bringing a man into my life in the most unlikely way, in the most unlikely place.

Remember that there are many Christ-built warrior poet men out there who are praying and hoping for a set-apart young women – one who is not following after the trends of the culture, one who is not wallowing around in discontentment or on the prowl for a guy. Nothing would thrill a true warrior-poet’s heart more than to know that his future bride was spilling her life out for the sake of the Gospel. Want to find a godly guy? Focus on pouring your life out for Jesus Christ, and leave the rest to Him. As it says in Psalm 57:2, He will be more than faithful to fulfill His purposes for you.

If you are struggling with discontentment in your singleness, or even if you are married and struggling with trying to be the perfect spouse. One of the best solutions outside of cultivating daily intimacy with Jesus Christ is to forget about yourself and focus instead on serving and loving people in need. It’s somewhat counter-intuitive, but it works! Putting others’ needs above your own doesn’t lead to disappointment and misery, but to unmatched joy and fulfillment.

In Christ's Unfailing love,

HIS and yours


Thursday, September 9, 2010

My Heart is Torn.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" -Jeremiah 17:9

My heart is torn between where I am and where I want to go.

I don't want to be here. I want to be with kids, I want to be with people who want to serve Christ in their everyday life and actions just as much as I do. But here, I can't seem to find them. And that scares me.

I don't want to make a generalization, because the truth is I don't know everyone, correction I know no one. But I know that I need to be here, because if I didn't need to, God wouldn't have me here. It's a battle I daily fight to surrender it to God and say USE ME. Here. Because He has given me a task to Shine His light, not my own. Not for people to know my name, but to know His. Because if I don't point people to God for an everlasting joy, I don't love. I waste my life.

God has not called me to be made much of, but to make much of Him in every part of my life. I am slowly coming to grips with how He has and is changing me and realizing that I am different, I am changing, and the people around me aren't. I think the scary part of that is I feel like I am losing my friends. But God says to love nothing more than Him. Because He is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.

My prayer is that God will use me, especially in ways I could never imagine. Because He is the most amazing, unpredictable, loving God ever. I have fallen in love with Him more. I pray that the relationship I have with Him will deepen and grow stronger and that I will tremble and His holy name, having a holy fear for Him, and no fear for the things of this earth.

I believe that if you want your life to count, if you want the ripple effect of the pebbles you drop to become waves that reach the ends of the earth and roll on into eternity, you don't have to have good looks, or riches, or come from a fine family or a fine school. Instead you have to know a few great majestic, unchanging, obvious, simple, glorious things-- or one great-all-embracing thing- and be set on fire by Him!

I am just extremely thirsty, I feel like I am in a drought. But people go deep with God when the drought comes. I know how much I need the deepening, the presence of my Beloved. I am thirsty and God is calling me to the waters, Come and drink deep.

In Christ's Fulfilling Love,

HIS and yours,


Tuesday, September 7, 2010


God is glorious beyond anything I can say in words. He is near to us. In us. He has saved us. Let us tell the world. Starting NOW.

Life is more than breathing...

Life is more than living...

Life is more than just getting along...

Life is more that dying...

I realized today that I have been in an unusual slump the past six days, I think it has a lot to do with pushing God out because I was feeling so uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because I am so different now. Uncomfortable because my best friend won't even speak to me. Uncomfortable with people on this campus. Uncomfortable because I feel like I never know what's going on with friends or family. Uncomfortable because I don't know. Uncomfortable.

I need a resolution and I know only God can give it to me. So I know I just have to sit patiently and wait on Him, because He's the only thing I truly have. Now and Forever.

Because unlike the people around me, He will listen, He will understand and most of all He will never leave nor forsake me. Because He loves me.

HIS and yours,


Monday, August 30, 2010


Do not pray for easy lives!
Pray to be stronger men.
Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers.
Pray for powers equal to your tasks.
Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle,
but you shall be a miracle.
-Phillips Brooks.

"My times are in Your hand" -Psalm 31:15.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Shining Recklessly!

It's around 6 in the morning, I quietly slide out of bed, so not to wake my roommates. Slip on some shoes and walk out our apartment door, down the stairs, out the door and decided to just stand and look at the sky. The sky is a perfect, pale blue. The sun has just risen, weak, and watery-looking, like it has just spilled itself over the horizon and is too lazy to clean itself up.
My mind begins to wander again and I realized that I am still shocked by how different I feel being back at school. I forgot how people ask you how you are, but they really don't want to know. They ask you how your summer is and how they want to hear all about what you did and what God did, but they really don't. I realized that the genuine kindness and friendliness that people say we have so much on our campus, only exist on the surface. How many of those hellos go deeper than that, how many how are you's are answered by and hour long conversation. It's rare, because no one really wants to know, because the truth is we are so fast paced. How many have stood outside at 6 in the morning and just stared at the sky, in awe of God's creation. Took appreciation in little things like shoes? clothes? furniture? friends? family?
It's true I'm still adjusting to the culture, my own culture. Who would have thought I would be this affected by the Yukon and the kids. I know I never really did. And now I find my mind with them and my heart. It's hard when people ask me to tell them about my summer, because I know they don't actually want to sit down and talk with me, they want the shorten, condensed version. And at times it's hard because I want to share, I want to shine as recklessly as I did this summer. But I'm realizing here there is so much more burning out my light. It's a constant spiritual battle to keep on shining, but I know God's got me in His hands and He will never let my light go out.
You see I didn't do anything this summer, it was all God and only through His strength that I served for 3 months in the Yukon. I want to share my summer so bad because I want God to be praised for it! "if anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 4:11).
All I know is that no matter what people say, or how fake the smiles may be, I will serve Him always, Depend on Him always, Love Him always and Always Always Shine Recklessly For HIM! And whatever I do I pray that people will see Christ and not me.

Grace and Peace be yours in abundance.

HIS and yours,


There is hope, though. There is a true Savior — Someone who sees you in the midst of your pain, and He’s waiting for you to stop chasing human heroes and look to Him. He has His own scarred hands — scars that speak of your pain; scars that speak of your own hopelessness; scars that speak of the victory He has won for you. He bore your scars so you would have no need for your own, and no matter how deep and dark your pit, His eye is always on you…even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

There is Nothing Wrong with You...

"There is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7.

I have returned to Iowa, and soon will be returning to school. It's crazy how much can change for only being gone for 3 months. Friends getting married/engaged/finding relationships. Death of family members. Friends that are no longer friends. New people to keep up with. And so much more.

When I returned, I felt so out of place and at times I still do. I feel like I m constantly getting in everyone's way, everyone is always on the go and I just want to sit with my Bible and my journal and pray. In an instant I felt lost, like I didn't belong like something was wrong with me. I opened my Bible at 3 in the morning last night, when the thought popped into my head, to Songs, I was planning on reading 5:10-16, because it's something that God placed in my heart this summer to memorize, but instead my eyes landed on Song of Solomon 4:7, which I underlined early this summer "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is NO flaw in you." As I read this I heard a faint whisper through the darkness saying. "There is nothing wrong with you, all beautiful you are, my darling. There is no flaw in you." And then I cried. Yeah, I seem to be doing that a lot lately, and at times it's been getting pretty annoying. But I was amazing how God never ceases to, well... AMAZE ME!

It's been a eye-opening, heart-fulling, life-changing summer. 3 months ago I began on this journey that I never thought would change me so much! I started off the summer thinking "I can't wait for God to use me so much." But little did I know that He would use these kids to touch my heart and change my life for good. You see at the beginning of the summer and into the summer I was fighting these battles with myself, inner spiritual battles of things I just don't want to let go. At times I feel like I don't fit, I don't work with people, I am better off as an independent, that I have so many flaws is the reason why I am alone. And God, He was sick of my complaining. haha. He Chiseled me down so much, that I am still sore and hurting. (the good hurting, you know like after you work out type :P). I discovered little things and He used the kids to show me things! And showed Himself mighty, true, and faithful. If I didn't have God, I don't think, no I KNOW I wouldn't be anywhere near the person I am, or have the amount of faith I do. All because God is my life, my love, my all in all!

Most of all He showed me where my true desire lies. And the fact that I don't any desire to have a boyfriend, or sit down and watch hours of tv or movies, or read magazines, or be on facebook 24/7, and so on. That is all okay, in fact it's better than okay because I have so much time to PRAY! And dig into the Word and just sit at the feet of my King and drink in His presence.

And when I feel like I don't fit in, it's because I don't and I'm not suppose. I am becoming a corpse to this world, and the world is becoming a corpse to me. If people don't accept me, it's okay because God accepts me, He loves me. What I love determines what I feel shame, and sadness about. If I love people to make much of me, I wil feel shame and sadness when they don't. But if I love for people to make much of Christ, then I will feel shame if He is belittled on my account. Because God and God alone is the alone treasure that last. When everything in my life was stripped away this summer, when I couldn't shower, when I had no constant contact with people, no computer, sometime not enough food. I found that I had God and He could fill my every need, He took away the hunger, the stink :) and so much more. I trusted Him so much more because He is all I had and because of that I gained so much more this summer than I could have ever imagined.

This is nowhere near everything that happened this summer, this is just something I need to share for encouragement. Because I know they are people out there who feel as if they don't fit in, and they waste their life on trying. Listen to God, "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU." You are okay, better than okay, just as you are. You don't have to be funnier, cuter, quieter, trendier, more spiritual, have a relationship, have a million friends. Rather than defending yourself from other people's opinions and your own as well, let those five words fight for you. Look to God because He says "There is nothing wrong with you."

In Christ's flawless love,

HIS and yours,


Monday, August 9, 2010

Overwhelming Feelings...

‎"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name. I will praise You, O lord my God, with forever. For great is Your love toward me; You have delivered me from the depths of the grave." -Psalm 86:11-13.

Wow. the summer has come to an end. My thoughts are jumble and I am trying to sort through everything that has happened this summer and how much I have changed. It is amazing how much one summer can change me and how much my mind has not yet settled on the fact that I will be returning to family and friends that I haven't seen in 2 and half months. and that fact that their life has gone on even when I have been gone. And having to buiild relationships up again and find ways to just share GOD!

Last week I had a break down, I was alone, for the first time in a long long time and I just broke. I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt inadequate to serve these kids and God. Things on the team were falling apart, I felt as if everything was coming crashing in around me and there was just something inside me that opened up the floodgates and laying on a smelly red cushioned seat in our trailer, I broke down and cried and yelled at God. "why am I here, what purpose does this have?" and many more. I don't know what happened but I calmed down and sat up and flipped open my Bible to Psalm 86 and began reading. The Psalm was just something that touched my heart and I prayed to God that He would continue to show me the way that He wanted me to go and not the way I wanted to go! I just nailed all my issues and frustrations to the corss and Let go and Let God take it all. Our God is so MIGHTY! And His full of mercy and grace that He so often pours out upon me and I take advantage of.

I can't wait to return home and share all that I have experienced, it may take a couple days, but I am excited an anxious and also scared. But I know God has me in His hands, He has my life, there is no need to rush anything and He will bring people in to my life that I need to know and meet and love in His time. I can't wait to see what He has in store!

But I always have to remember that the Lord is God, and it is He who made me and I am HIS. I am a sheep in His pasture, I am His daughter. His love ENDURES FOREVER! He has placed this desire in me to serve Him and I know that it's not wrong to have this holy ambition to be mightly used by God. because He has put that desire for greatness in my soul, for the great One lives inside of me. I was created to live the big dream of HIS heart. Why settle for anything less?

See you real soon.

In Christ AWESOME love,

HIS and yours


Saturday, June 26, 2010


It's been a while since I last blogged and right now I am sitting at an internet cafe looking at the sun shining bright in the sky at 9:30 at night. God's been teaching me so much these last 4 weeks that I have been here in Canada, but a big thing He has shown me recently is where my mind is at, when I am at the place He has called me to be.

There are a lot of distractions going on right now within my mind. There's distraction of what could possibly be going on at home, things going on with my team, my friends and many many more. This past week I worked as a camp counselor and I had 3 girls in my cabin. They all came from the same village but they all had different but very tough backgrounds. Something that really stuck out to me was how much they obsessed over what they were going to where, if they would have time to do their make-up in the morning, the boys in the other cabins, if they would get a shower (because the camp as no running water). And it struck me as I watched them obsess over these things in the back of my mind i found the things I obsess over. Though they are different things, they still over take what my obsession should be and it is that of Jesus Christ.

So what as i to do, Thursday during our cabin time, I sat down the girls for our devotionals and I read them Matthew 13:44-46. I don't have my bible right with me but i will just paraphrase it for you. Basically this is what it says. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. A certain man learned that the treasure existed and he developed a terrible obsession to possess it. He wasted all his wealth and secretly sold everything he had to purchase the field so that he could own the treasure. Again the Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl of great price. When a man found it, he sold all that he had and purchased the pearl.

Now I told the girls that these men had a huge obsession for these things, and unless we, too, obsess after God's Kingdom, like these men did over their treasure, we will not find it. Now it's not an earthly obsession I'm talking about, not what you look like or what you'll wear or eat. but an obsession for God. God tells us in the Bible to Knock and keep on knocking, Seek and keep on seeking. When people roll their eyes, glare, and send us away. Again and again we must come back and see still again. Then we will find the treasure we seek.

You see God has a plan for each of our lives, and each and everyday He reveals it to us. I have this amazing opportunity to serve Him my whole summer, and I can't even begin to explain the past 4 weeks all I can say is God is at work!

All my love and may our God and King lavish blessings upon you all.

His and yours


Sunday, June 6, 2010

God is my Life.

"I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." -Phil. 3:12

I'm here in Alaska, and I have been here for about a week. Tomorrow we get our assignments, our teams, and what villages we will be going. I can seriously not wait to get out on the field, and get going. Just pouring my life and my heart out for the One who died for me! God is so amazing, I can't explain all the things I have learned in just a week, and how in love I have fallen with Alaska, the people. and my team members. I am learning more and more that God is asking me to give up things, because He wants to give me better things. I have been praying and seeking God's face out a lot. And He is showing me where I will be heading next summer and maybe for the rest of my life. Where I will be going, where I will be leaving. It's just an adventure, and I am ready to give up, let go, and just let God.

Sometimes I have to ask, Why is He asking me to give up my rights, my things, my family, my friends, my life?

Because He wants to give me greater things. This is truly the rule of God's Kingdom: Give up something good and receive something greater. Give up your rights and you;ll recieve greater privileges with God. Jesus gave us the supreme example of giving up everything for a greater goal. Philippians chapter two says He didn't count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the for of a bond-servant- a slave. Slaves have no rights, and Jesus became a slave for our sakes:
-He gave up the right to be with His Father.
-He gave up the right to a home, saying that while the brids have nests and the foxes have dens, He didn't have a place to lay His head.
-He gave up the right to money. He had to borrow a coin from someone for a sermon illustration.
-He gave up the right to marriage and His reputation. As far as most people were comcerned, He was an illegitimate baby, raised in a town that was scorned. The ultimate strike to His reputation came when He, the Son of God, was called a devil by the religious experts of His time. But Jesus went further.
-He gave up the right to life itself, becoming obedient to death on a cross. For what purpose? So that God might exalt Him, give Him a name above every name, that at His name every knee should bow. But there's another reason: Jesus was showing us how to live our lives. He was howing us how to beat the devil, which is the greatest job ever given to us- taking the earth from Satan and winning it back for God. Jesus was showing us that the only way to win is to lose; the only way to conquer is to submit.
Jesus wants us to follow Him, losing our rights and gaining the world. Only by taking Jesus' example into every part of our lives will we be able to win in life.
He spelled it out for us in Mark 8:34-35: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himseld and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever want to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."
The choice is ours. We can hold onto our rights, remian in mediocrity and miss out on God's greater purposes for us. Or we can give them freely back to Him for the greatest privilege of all-winning this world for the Kingdom of God.

It's what I have been taught by God, to give up everything to Him, because if I even hold on to one little thing, I will miss our on everything He has planned for me. And what He has planned for me is AMAZING! And I can't wait to see all that it is and all that He does in my life. I can't wait to be with my Father in Heaven, but for now I will spend my life serving Him and His people here and on earth.

In everything I do I hope you see Christ in me.

May the gravce of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

His and yours


Thursday, May 27, 2010

It's so Close!

"Hell fears holy ones that are sent from God. God wants to make you holy and then send you to spark revival." -Brian Beasley

3 days until I am on a plane to Alaska, where I will spend the next 2 and half months just being a servant. Being God's hands and feet. He has so much planned, I can't even fathom. I love serving my family and my friends, but I am ready to serve even more of God's people, no matter where they are. And Alaska is where I have been sent.

It will be a new and wonderful experience for me. And as God prepares my heart, I am learning where I am the weakest and the strongest. I am finding out that I am more weak then strong, but God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.

His love never fails me and as I walk with Him, He reveals the things He wants me to know and His light shines upon me. Glory be to God. Forever and Ever. I have never been more excited.

"Blessed be the name of God forever and ever. . . He reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness; and light dwells with Him." (Dan. 2:20-22)

His and yours


Saturday, May 22, 2010

My heart.

My heart is where the orphans are. My heart is where the girls being sold in to sex and human trafficking are. My heart is where the youth are. My heart is wherever God has left it.

Dream: to build my own orphanage from the ground up, and house and take care of orphans. Where, I don't know, I guess wherever God sends me. My heart is where the orphans are. Also to build a woman's house from the ground up, to house and support and take care of all the woman sold as sex slaves and into human trafficking. Where, I don't know, maybe in the same place as the orphanage, maybe some place else. My heart is wherever those women are. God's got it all in His hands. He knows the desire of my heart and He know that plans He has for me.

I'm not worried about anything, whatever He asks of me, I will do. No matter the cost.
Because He is my God. There is no other.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Beautiful Song.

A song by Sanctus Real, I came across, the lyrics are beautiful and truly express God's love.

I'll Show You How to Live:
By: Sanctus Real.

I heard the sound of your first breath
A brand new life on your mother’s chest
A beating heart, expectant eyes
On the first day of your life
I saw you take your first step
And I watched you run with no regret
To chase your dreams and find true love
And the best is yet to come

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Remember how you felt from across the room
When you realized someone had eyes for you
And the way your heart sang cuz you believed
You were worth something

So come with me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live
Oh, I’ll show you how to live

Cuz I created your heart
That makes you feel
I am the love that makes it real
Oh, I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Cause I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the one, I’m the One, I’m the One

Jealous Love, Burning Desire. For Jesus.

I was created to burn.
In Songs of Songs 8:6 Jesus says, "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal over your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy as unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." Jesus' eyes are a blazing flame. His love is more powerful than the grave. Death hunts down every man, but here, God's mighty flame of love is eve stronger than death. It hunts you down. It pursues you until your hearts is sealed with a love that is stronger than any lust or addiction or distraction this world could offer.
I have this burning in my heart for more and more of God's love. I can't ever get enough, I am never satisfied, I hunger for more. His love quenches my thirst and feeds my hungry soul.
Our God is this jealous God. I love the God whose name is Jealous. His eyes are a blazing fire, burning away everything that seeks to compete with the affections of my heart. With God, my jealous God, nothing can win my heart like He has. He is the only one that can fill my void, my burning desire for His love.
Emilie Barnes once said "God has put into each of our lives a void that cannot be filled by the world. We may leave God or put Him on hold, but He is always there, patiently waiting for us... to turn back to Him." No matter how much we try to fill that void with lust, pride, sex, addictions, or anything else this world is selling, we will become more and more empty, because God and His abounding, burning love is the only thing that can fill that void.
But you know what the amazing thing is about this. Yeah, God made each and every one of us with this void, but He gives us the choice to choose. To CHOOSE. Him or the world. Free will, who you of thought. He doesn't need us, really, but He loves us, and He gives us the choice to choose. How can we not choose Him?
And once we do He is always with us, holding our hand, guiding our path, never letting go. Though we may turn away or ignore His calling, He is always waiting for us, because He loves us.
You see, God's hand is always there; once you grasp it you'!! never want to let it go. So "Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilt conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:22,23.

God is love. He is all we need.

In Christ

His and yours,


Saturday, May 15, 2010

5:33 in the A.M...

"God's holy beauty... stirs your drowsing soul... He creates in you the desire to find Him and run after Him- to follow wherever He leads you, and to press peacefully against His heart wherever He is." -John of the Cross.

It's a Saturday morning and I haven't slept at all. The weird thing is I'm not really tired and I know I'll probably feel it later on, or most likely Sunday, but don't you ever have those moments where it's like I can't go to sleep now, God's tugging on my heart. I love these moments because when it's late or early is when I am the most sensitive to what God wants me to hear. Because I can't be noisy and crazy, because everyone else in the house is asleep. How do I know? I can hear my dad and my mom snoring two doors down from me. I can hear my brother mumbling in his sleep, and my sister's light is still on which means she is still up, or just fell asleep with the light on again... I never really know.

It is at these times I get the most random thoughts or feelings, like how much I love the smell of my new Bible and how much I love the sounds of the crisp page as I flip through it looking for the scripture that has been tugging at my heart. Or how I love the sound of my music coming through my headphones right now, and how no matter how hard I try I can't help but sing-a-long. "You won't relent until you have it all, My heart is Yours, Jesus."

Anyhow, I feel like this is just a randomly rumbling mumbling blog, but I love these nights where I can't sleep until I pray, or I can't sleep until I've found that scripture that's been digging at the back of my mind. And when I do, no matter how late it is I feel refreshed. I feel relaxed. I feel peace. I'm at that point where now sleep comes last compared to God and I never thought I would get to that place. And now I don't know how I ever managed to get 7-8 hours of sleep in when there is so much to pray for, so many people that don't know Jesus. There is so much to study, so many book in the Bible. It's amazing how once, just one time, your eyes are opened and after that you never see anything the same again.

Like earlier today, I went outside after it's been a downpour for the past two or three days and the sun was shining it was warm and I looked up at the sky smiled then looked down at a little flower my mom had planted and cried. I cried at a flower! I am so overwhelmed with the beauty of God's creation how can I not cry at it? Is that weird? Yeah probably to most people, but for me it's a new way that I have began to look at things, at people, at situations. How would Christ look at this? It's pretty cool I have to say.

Anyway the prayers that have kept me up have been prayed for, I know I'm not through but I also found the scripture that's been tapping at the back of my head and I figure I should just close my ramblings with the Word of God. Because really what's better than the Word of God?

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." -Isaiah 58:11.

In Christ love,

His and yours,


Thursday, May 13, 2010


We can trust God with our hearts. We can trust that He is good and mighty. We can trust that He sees and He knows.

We can trust that He is with us.

God makes all things new. He forgives and makes us holy. He transforms us from what and who we are into the beautiful character of His Son.

He is the God of new beginnings, who makes a way where there seems no way, who brings comfort and hope to those drowning in hopelessness.

God is with us. Always.

Romans 8 says that because God so freely gave His Son, to die on the cross, to be crushed for our sin, our sin, that we can be confident and assured that He will do more than we can imagine, that He is for us, not against us, that His love is everlasting. We can trust God.

We don't need to worry about anything because the Word says that He loves us so much that He sent His son as the perfect sacrifice so we can now be acceptable, and that we now can come boldly into His real presence and that He lives within us and will never leaves us.

Even in the darkness and darkest times- He is with us and for us and all we need. Even in the hard places when we hurt, He is all we need.

Because we trust Him and He is all we trust Him to be.

He is all we need.

But you see, we are the problem. We don't trust God, not completely. He just seems to good to be trust. So we go searching for this different identity, longing to find this identity that feels right, longing to be comfortable in our own skin.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together.

Trust the Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image.

It is in trusting that we are loved. That we always have been loved. That we always will be loved. We don't have to do anything. Don't have to prove anything or achieve anything, or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as we are, We are totally accepted, forgiven, and there is nothing we could ever do to lose this acceptance.

Before I found this acceptance, I had this huge desire for a boyfriend. It's all I could think about. It occupied every ounce of my mind, my time, my life. I couldn't focus on anything else. But then God intervened at the most inconvenient time for me, and perfect time for Him. Now that I look back it really was the perfect time for me. But anyways. Now I have no desire for a boyfriend. Yeah it's a battle daily for me, look at the school I go to, everyone and their dog is getting engaged or married. And yet God is first and foremost my bridegroom. No one else can take His place. No book, no friend, no family member, no man could ever take the place of my One True Love.

You see I have no doubt that God will put that man in my path when we are both ready. But I have no right to sit around and wait. God has called me to a higher purpose, a harder but much better path. And when that man meets me, I hope he doesn't ever see me, but sees Jesus.

My standards are high, and I know that. No man will ever have my heart the way God does and if this man is okay with always being second to God, then I will understand because I hope that I will always be second to God in his life. It's just the way it's meant to be.

But for now I am single and I am loving every minute of it. Because the things God has called me to do are for right now in my season of singleness, in my journey of just me and God. And when the time comes it will be me God and the man He has chosen for me. But until then I love where I am at right now, with my Bridegroom holding my right hand, leading the way.

And hey, I trust Him. Completely.

In Christ's love

His and yours


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Attacks and the Path

Taking the path less traveled never seems easy at the start. It is tough to shut out the world and all the attacks that are placed on you. To put on that brave face and continue forward. However, that path is also one that, when intended for your feet, will become more and more comfortable as you tread along.

In a little over two weeks I will be leaving for Alaska on a missionary program. I can be completely honest and tell you that I am very anxious and scared. The enemy has already began its attacks on me, using people that I love and that I let get close to me, to mess with my focus and try to get me to look down at this other path. Not the one that God has chosen for me. It took three straight hours of crying and snotting and talking it out with my mom to realize the attack that was being placed on me by the enemy. And I realized God has been telling me to be careful with the people I open up to and the things I say because the enemy will find a way to use that against me. Of course I am human and I choose to ignore what God has been telling me and the enemy reached through and got me. Hard. An attack on me has never hurt this bad, because satan used people I trusted and loved so much. I recognized and as soon as I did with help from my mom I prayed for God to take hold of this attack, take the burdens from my back and for Him to break the hold the enemy had on these people. I love these people dearly and now I know to listen to God and not to the world once again. I am learning, I'm not all knowing like these people made me out to be, I am naive and in no shape to face the enemy again. But I know God's got me in His hands, He has once again made my path known to me. I am going to preach the gospel, I'm being obedient to what He has asked me to do. So of course the attacks are going to come, but I have the shield of salvation and God will protect me, like He always does.

Through this journey that I am on I have had many encounters with attacks from the enemy-- that little voice telling me the path is much more difficult than the one I was previously walking on. The people who continually tell me I am going to fail, that I am false, that I am not worthy enough for God. But here's the thing: Would God put me on such an endeavor without His protection, if it did not cause me to put up a fight for His name for this great adventure He has put ahead of me? Look at it this way. Not a single hero ever went about saving a life without shedding a bit of sweat, blood, and tears. Imagine if Prince Phillip never had to chase down Rose and fight off the evil dragon to save her. Nothing about their tale would be a journey, but, instead, an ordinary, everyday love affair.

So what makes us think that our lives are not worthy for this path, any less of an adventure-packed, fight off a few dragons, awesome ending. God calls each of us to a different journey, to different place, to different people. Though different we are all doing His work, we are all furthering His Kingdom. Maybe you are in your hometown, in Africa, Alaska. Where ever you are doesn't make you any less than anyone else, if you are doing what God has asked you, you are on the right path. And if you are not, God will make that known. Just because someone has different gifts or talents or is in a different place than someone else, doesn't make them higher up on the "God-list" because God loves each one of us, He gave His life for all of us, and He calls all of us!

We all should be embarking on the path that is the most well-suited beneath our feet. The one that God has called us to. Yes, there are bound to be a few pebbles that get stuck in our shoes. But wouldn't you rather bend over, remove them, and continue one, than live your life in the darkness, staring down that path, knowing that you never put on your shoes at all. As the body of Christ we have this Unity in the Spirit. In Ephesians Paul writes urging his brothers to live a life worthy of the calling they have received. "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit- just as you were called to one hope when you were called- one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." It's hard to keep the unity, people are messy. We have pride, lust, we fall, we sin, and we can never admit when we are wrong. But God's grace and love covers us all. He is calling us to be the kind of person who lays themselves down and everything they hold onto down at the foot of His cross, and rise up taking their cross and following Him, completely and utterly surrendered.

To be this kind of person- the kind who selflessly serves- takes everything a person has. It is difficult. It is demanding. And we often find ourselves going against the flow of those around us. We find ourselves getting attacked by people we trust, by people we don't even know, by anything the enemy can use against us. Because satan knows where we are going, and what we are going to be doing. The enemy doesn't want us to further God's Kingdom and he is not going to stand by and say "Oh go ahead and serve God, I don't have a problem with it." he is going to attack us.

The way is narrow. Jesus tells us all the way is narrow. And many people don't recognize that, very few people in our world are offering anything worth dying for. Most of the messages we receive are about how to make life easier. The call that Jesus places on our lives goes a completely different direction than the call of this world. His call is about making our lives more difficult. It is going out of our way to be more generous and disciplined and love and free. It is refusing to escape and become numb to and check out of this broken, fractured world.

In this call we have to be completely honest, especially to friends. It's high demands, the cost are high, which is what is so appealing about Jesus- his vision for lives takes everything we have. In John 6 Jesus gives a teaching that is so hard to swallow, everybody but a few leave Him. He is constantly trying to find out who really wants it. And so He keeps pushing and prodding and question and putting it out there until some leave and the ones who truly desire this life stay. You never find Him chasing after someone, forcing them, or trying to convince them that He is the way. He lets the people come to Him, He waits, He is patient.

This is what we are all dying for- something that demands we step up and become better, more focused people. Something that calls out the greatness that we hope is somewhere inside of us. We can't force the situation on anyone, we can't be impatient. We have to wait for God to call us to where He wants us to go, to what He wants us to do.

And these attacks, I know they will get heavier and harder to bear, but the thing is God has me in His hands and He protects me. So all I have to say is "Bring it on, because God will overcome any attack the enemy throws at me." God gets the glory for anything and everything I do, because He placed this call on my life. There is no other way for me to live. I can never go back to the way it was, because I now know the truth. I love every person that the enemy is using to attack me, I give them up to God, because He has all control. My life is His and whatever happens, I know God is and will always be, forever and ever with me.

In Christ...

His and yours


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Roots, Trees, and Jesus Christ

"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit" -Matthew 12:31.

Tree. I've been thinking of trees lately. Not like "save the earth" type tree thinking. But how am I like a tree. I've grown up on analogies. That's how I learned things, my dad would always explain things using analogies and I guess now that's how my mind works. So a tree. What do you think of when you hear tree? roots, dirt, trunk, branches, leaves, flowers, pine cones, and so on. There are a million different types of trees, just like their are millions upon millions of different types of people. Every tree has roots, just like every person has roots. The roots dig into the dirt, which is a foundation to grow upon. Roots can be anything, tradition someone grew up on, the Word of God and Jesus Christ, in this case it's the Word of God and Jesus Christ. and we plant the Word of God like a seed in our hearts so it grows and grows, it is our roots. Trunks are solid, and come in many different shapes and sizes, just like people. Now the trunk gets stronger from the roots, the roots gather the food source for the trunk. The Word of God is our root, our food source, and as we dig deeper into it and plant the seed we grow stronger, our trunk grows stronger. We are tougher, harder to break, and fall over when the wind blows hard. Now out of the trunk comes the branches. The branches spread like arms, they reach out and touch other trees around them, they can hold and support things. Our arms are our branches. They are strong, they are their to hold and support people. We reach out as God shows us to, to pray for, hold, and support our fellow "trees". and last but not least the flowers, or leaves. It's what draws people in. If a tree is radiant people are going to want to look at it. I'm not talking about beauty, because beauty if fleeting. I'm talking about what comes all the way from the roots and into those flowers and leaves. The food source. The Word of God, Jesus Christ. You see those flowers are so radiant because of their food source, if they had no food source they would shrivel up and die, they would be nothing. And that is exactly what we are looking at. We thrive on our food source, The Bible and Jesus Christ. If you have Jesus as your root, you will radiate everything about Him, you live the way He lived, you see the way He sees, and so on. And people begin to see that. As your roots grow deeper in the Lord, radiate His love and His life and people will notice.

A tree is recognized by its fruit, its flowers, its leaves, but a tree cannot have good fruit or leaves or flowers if the roots are poisoned by the food it eats. And the trunk cannot grow or be strong with poisoned roots. Or the whole tree will become poisoned and will fall.

Just like a tree we need good roots established in our hearts. This is Jesus, and the Bible. Everything we need on how to build a foundation in and on our Rock, Jesus Christ is found in the Bible. When we put our roots into the Bible and suck out every possible thing we can it becomes our food, our life source. When we have Jesus in our hearts, He becomes our life source, for without Him we have nothing but poison in our blood streams. Our roots are empty and our foundation is poisoned. We will not grow, we will stunt and fall just like a tree. Our fruit will become ugly because Jesus makes us beautiful.

I feel like I'm talking in circles, but what I guess I'm trying to say is without a foundation in Jesus Christ our lives are bound to become a hollowed out tree, dying from the inside out. We need to realize what we are putting our roots into. In this case what we are opening our hearts up to. Whether it be movies, music, people, books, facebook, or the internet. Because when we open our hearts up and these things begin to consume us, even a little, we are opening it up to even a little bit of poison. Yeah I know, sounds very stuffy right, I mean it's only a pg 13 movie there's no nudity just a little cussing, and sexual innuendos. You've got to be kidding me really. I know, and I'm still discerning on what is good and not good. In this day and age it's so hard to shut out movies and music because that is how people socialize. But even a little opening, is an opening for the enemy.

I don't listen to the radio in my car or anywhere else. I have one set list on my Ipod I am always listening to, I don't know what any of the new hip music is, and so I don't sing-a-long when it comes on, like everyone else. It makes me strange, but I listen to the lyrics, which many people don't. They don't realize what they are singing. I guess I'm becoming one of those stuffy people who believe everything can be evil... haha no I don't believe that. I find the good in everything, well if there is good to be found. I truly don't remember where I was going with this, but I hope it kind of helped something or another, if not I know it helped me to get my thoughts out.

I guess the thing we need to do is take a step back and look at the things that consume our lives, are they good for us, bad for us, and what can we do to become better rooted in Christ and His word. Maybe it's giving these things up for even ten minutes of prayer. Maybe it's actually speaking out about God. Maybe it's something only you know you can do or need. But God knows, He wants us to grow deeper, to become more rooted in His truth, because without it, we will continue to believe the lies of this world. Encouragement: Open your Bible, Dig Deeper into the Word, Pour over it, Mediate on it. And Let God speak to you about it. It's one of the best food for our hungry hearts.

"My son pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" - Proverbs 4:20-23.

In Christ's overwhelming love,

His and yours,


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Weak Love...

"My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. Awake, my soul!" - Psalm 57:7-8.

My Jesus, is SOOOOOOO AMAZING! I cannot fathom this love He has over me. <3

Friday night, I was suppose to be writing a final essay exam and studying for finals, well I decided to skip all the stressed of homework and finals week and just close my dorm room door turn on the awakening service down at the house of prayer and just sit at the feet of my Lord for four and a half hours. I intentionally planned on just praying for an hour, but the Spirit led me in different directions and then on the awakening stream they were talking about shame and something just kind of kicked me in my heart. I have shame, a heavy amount. I walk around all the time praising my Jesus, and yet I still find myself telling myself that I am not worthy of Him or the people He places around me. It was the strangest feeling I thought I had gotten rid of all those feelings. But really Jesus is never done.

So as I am sitting at my desk with the lights off, I am totally filled with the Holy Spirit, I couldn't stop laughing, earlier in last week I wrote about how I was feeling empty and I hadn't heard the Lord in a long time. Well Friday night I was just filled with the joy of the Lord. I haven't laughed at the Lord's feet in a long time. But I just kept saying, I am not enough, I am not worthy, I am nothing, Why would You, Lord of all, want me? I am weak and broken and empty and worthless. Why? And through the tears of joy and the laughing pains in my stomach, I heard His voice whisper to me "Your weak love is enough, Your weak love is enough" and I was brought to my knees before Him.

My weak love is enough? My weak love is enough for the Lord of lords and King of kings, maker of heaven and earth. How crazy is that! He wants to fill us with His love, He wants to pour out an abundance of His love over us and we want it, but we are shielding ourselves from receiving it. Because we think we are not enough. But He says "You are enough, My Child your weak love is enough!" We are made in His image, out of every creature we are the ones that get a chance to have a covenant with our Lord. No other creature, demon, angel, animal, and so on have that chance. He LOVES US!

Lucifer, one of God's own angels rebelled and took even more angels with him, down to the depths of hell, but God, He doesn't want angels, He wants us, His own creation. He calls us Hephzibah, "my delight is in her" He delights in us, He wants to give us the desires of our hearts and even more. He has a plan for every single one of us. And all He asks of us is to love Him, with are weak, broken hearts. Because He takes us as we are and restores us, changes us. Because He loves us.

Love. it's a word that has been degraded in our culture today. We as people are afraid to love, that is why when Christ asks us for our love we panic, we think, "If I give my heart and all my love to Him, He will end up hurting me" This thought and any other thought like this are lies from the enemy. The enemy who is prowling around like a roaring lion waiting and looking for someone to devour. The devil sees that we are frighten by love and he uses this to draw us away from our Lord. But Jesus wants you to know that "Your weak love is enough" you need nothing else, just love.

No friendship with this world, boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage, job, friends, money, sex, porn, drugs, alcohol, looks, and anything else can fill us up, can satisfy us. Can give us the love we need like Jesus can. He has a jealous love over us, His people, He is passionately pursuing us, even right now as you are sinning, He wants you to come to Him to give Him your weak love, because He delights in you.

"You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and His way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "He's a fiercely jealous lover." And what He gives in love is far better than anything else you will find." -James 4:4-5 (the message)

He loves you and He is telling you "Your weak love is enough" Surrender to Him, give Him your life, your heart, your love. He delights in you, He has a jealous love over you. He died for us, because He loved us, and we were to weak to come out of the crowd and love Him, we denied Him, we still are. Let Him have your weak love, because He says it is enough.

In Christ's strong and abundant love,

His and yours,


Friday, April 30, 2010

The Heart of the Matter...

Tauler says "A pure heart is one too which all that is not of God is strange and jarring."

Do we even know what a pure heart looks like? No human is pure, no human is perfect, no human is sinless. There is only One who has a pure heart and He sacrificed His life for our selfish, sinning, dysfunctional hearts. But we already know this right?

Now here is a crazy story. I have been studying 1 Samuel recently (I've gotten into the Old Testament this year) And I realized something. Often, God's chosen ones aren't the ones packed with muscle and brawn, and the ones like Saul, who stand head and shoulders above all of Israel. Our God does not build His mightiest warriors out of the stuff of flesh, but out of the stuff of willingness and desire, the things of His Spirit. God esteems the inner yielded-ness of a man and not the physical strength of a male or his ability to lift two hundred pounds.

Now reading 1 Samuel, the first king was Saul and he was filled with God's spirit, but his heart became calloused and God's spirit left him. Around the same time, God is preparing a new warrior a new king, and that is David. God chooses the Davids- the overlooked, the ones of lowly birth, the young men and women of a single-heart for God. The apostle Paul, for instance, wasn't a striking figure physically- in fact, many historical accounts describe him as a shorter diminutive man. But though he may have been shorter in physical stature, he was lionlike- full of power, full of courage, and full of passion for his King. He stood taller spiritually than any man in his day.

Now with David, he was the runt of his family, the bible describes him in 1 Samuel 16:12 as ruddy. And yet God chooses him. I mean come on He's just a young kid, barely out of his teen years. I mean even the prophet Samuel is a little confused on this one. In his head he's probably going "really God this one, the smallest, are You sure you know what you're doing?" And God answers "Man looks at the outside, but God measures the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7).

You see David had the right heart. It was the kind of heart that could be bent to God's agenda, that could learn to love as God loves, serve as God serves, feel compassion as God feels compassion, and feel hatred for the things God hates. He may have not been the strongest, the tallest, or the best- but he was the one with the mightiest heart- humility and childlike trust in God.

That is just the craziest chapter ever. That God our Mighty God would choose someone of lower stature. The Church today would certainly not approve, we look for the suit and tie, clean cut wholesome guy that's going to lead us to the Lord. Do we not remember who Jesus was. He was born in a manager, he didn't where a suit and tie, he wore sandals and a robe. He didn't hang out with the most popular people or have all the money. He spent time with the tax collectors and prostitutes and the scum of the "world." But to Him they were perfect, because in their hearts they new they were sinners and they wanted to be saved, they wanted to repent. And Jesus, He saw into their hearts and loved them.

Why don't we do this? Why do we conform to our culture's message that money, a family, a job, and so on is everything you need. You need to look a certain way and have certain types of friends. When really all we need is Jesus, and everything else He gives to us is a blessing and a gift.

I think it's something I tend to forget. I am so focus on what is going on the world around me sometimes I forget to remember that everything I have is a precious gift. The computer I am typing on. Gift. The room and building I am living in. Gift. The fact that I get to go to school. Gift. My family and friends. Gift. The breath I just took. Gift. How often do we go through the day and take for granted these gifts? I know I do all to often.

We are all filled with God's spirit, when we ask Him to come into our lives and make us new we are filled with His love and spirit, but we take it for granted, we forget it's there. We let our hearts become calloused, like Saul. We pray to our Father in Heaven, but do we ever pray to the Spirit inside of us? Asking God's spirit inside of us to move, set us on fire anything. No? You just realized His Spirits still there didn't you? We are not worthy of this abundant grace God pours out upon us.

But God knows the condition of our hearts. Whose a false follower and whose a true follower. You can say you love Jesus and your a Christian and really not be one. Only God knows the true conditions of our hearts. He knows our every thought good or bad, every desire physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual. He knows everything. And yet we continue to try and hide it from Him. I guess through this long post the question that I'm trying to ask myself is What am I trying to hide from God? I keep filling myself up, but is there something I need to let go of even more. Is there something I am holding onto or hoping for that I need to lay at my Savior's feet. The answer is Yes, there is. When I search the deep parts of my heart I find those corners that are still tucking in earthly desires and I need to put those to death. So that my heart is completely Gods.

We will never be happy until we are fully satisfied with God. The truth is, we can never be fully satisfied of God. We should always hunger and thirst for more of Him. But there's points in our lives that God will bless us, because He knows He is our life. He is the first and last of our every being. God desires to give us a beautiful life, whether it be a family/ marriage, a career, or a life of singleness. If we are fully and totally in love with our Lord, it won't matter what we are doing, because we will be doing it for God's glory.

I guess I should leave you with some theological question about God, or some awe moment quote, but really there isn't much I can say, because I'm in the same boat. I guess the only thing I would tell you is to look inside yourself, speak to the Spirit inside of you and ask Him to move, to show you those deep corners of your heart that need to be cleared out. And the one question I would ask is What condition is your heart in?

Just think about it...

I know I am.

In Christ abundant love,

His and yours,


Wednesday, April 28, 2010



Sometimes it's a word we want to say. Other times, it's a word said out of necessity.

But saying goodbye is rarely easy, no matter how necessary we know it is.

We say goodbye a lot in our lifetime. Whether you move a lot when you're a child or you say goodbye to a passing of a loved one, or you just say goodbye every time you leave somewhere. When I was younger I remember 5 distinct goodbyes. # 1. When we moved from California to Iowa, when I was six years old. I remember saying goodbye to all my family out there and I remember sitting in our big green and white van saying good bye to Radene, while she handed me my very own dream catcher. # 2. When we moved from West Des Moines to live in Ogden, but go to school in Grand. I remember bawling my eyes out, I was in fourth grade, and I couldn't imagine leaving the friends I had made in those 3 years, and I was only 8 maybe 9. # 3. When my sister and I switched school at the then end of 6th grade to attend Ogden, instead of Grand. I didn't cry, I kind of figured it was coming. I tried not to get to attached to people, but it was a useless situation and I ended up sad saying goodbye to the friends I had made. # 4. When I said goodbye to my older sister the day she moved out of our house. It was the hardest goodbye of my life because under the circumstances, it just wasn't a goodbye I was ready for. And though my older sister and I never got along all that well when we were younger. I still loved her and looked up to her, and having to say an unprepared goodbye is really hard. # 5. The day I graduated high school, I said goodbye to my friends and classmates that I had spent 6 years getting to know and since there was only 74 of us I knew everyone by name, which I think made it even more difficult. Not only that but I was going some place else, a place that no one in my class would ever want to go. A Christian College. So I knew it would be one of the last times I would see most of them. Which has ended up being very true, and kind of sad. But I have to move on, it's a part of life.

Even since then there has been many goodbyes, when I said goodbye to my sister as she headed off to college in California, to my best friend, Deanna as she headed off to college, to my parents as I myself was the last one to head off to college. To friendships that mattered so much to me, but I had to let them go, I had to say goodbye. With every goodbye there is always a hello somewhere in the midst. I haven't always welcomed it, but it comes around, eventually. Maybe that's why I try not to get to close to people. I love people I do, but for a long time it was hard for me to open up to people, because I knew in the end I would always have to say goodbye.

I've gotten better, I am more open, sometimes I wish I wasn't, but I have become an open person, loving caring, well at least I like to think I have. But goodbyes still haunt me, they lurk around every corner. I hate saying goodbye.

Maybe that's why i find the consistency of Jesus Christ in my life to be so important. Despite all the goodbyes I have to go through, He is the one person that will never say goodbye. I cling to that truth. God is my strength and without this relationship there would be no reason to live. I couldn't live without it.

Sometimes we say goodbye and it hurts us. Sometimes we need to say goodbye but we don't. But we cannot find the beauty in the next stage of our life until we embrace the willingness to move on from things we now find familiar. It may be among the most difficult of all life asks of us. Yet is is one of the most important.

And through the searing pain of saying goodbye to something or someone that has our heart...and the joy of saying goodbye to a moment in time we'd rather forget... the One who stands with us, beside us and for us, is the consistency we need to realize. Our new hello.

Because with Him, there will never be a reason for goodbye.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." -Deuteronomy 31:8

In 4 weeks I will be approaching another goodbye. I will have to say goodbye to my friends and family and the comforts of home to travel across country to serve my Beautiful Lord. It's something that for a while I've been scared about, but my Lord has given me a great sense of peace over the whole situation. And though I have to say goodbye, I will be back, but I will be forever changed. I am ready to go, but I am still preparing myself to say goodbye.

But I know my Sovereign Lord will be with me always. He will never leave me, and in that I find comfort. Because I know through Him I can do all things.

In Christ love,

His and yours,