"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name. I will praise You, O lord my God, with forever. For great is Your love toward me; You have delivered me from the depths of the grave." -Psalm 86:11-13.
Wow. the summer has come to an end. My thoughts are jumble and I am trying to sort through everything that has happened this summer and how much I have changed. It is amazing how much one summer can change me and how much my mind has not yet settled on the fact that I will be returning to family and friends that I haven't seen in 2 and half months. and that fact that their life has gone on even when I have been gone. And having to buiild relationships up again and find ways to just share GOD!
Last week I had a break down, I was alone, for the first time in a long long time and I just broke. I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt inadequate to serve these kids and God. Things on the team were falling apart, I felt as if everything was coming crashing in around me and there was just something inside me that opened up the floodgates and laying on a smelly red cushioned seat in our trailer, I broke down and cried and yelled at God. "why am I here, what purpose does this have?" and many more. I don't know what happened but I calmed down and sat up and flipped open my Bible to Psalm 86 and began reading. The Psalm was just something that touched my heart and I prayed to God that He would continue to show me the way that He wanted me to go and not the way I wanted to go! I just nailed all my issues and frustrations to the corss and Let go and Let God take it all. Our God is so MIGHTY! And His full of mercy and grace that He so often pours out upon me and I take advantage of.
I can't wait to return home and share all that I have experienced, it may take a couple days, but I am excited an anxious and also scared. But I know God has me in His hands, He has my life, there is no need to rush anything and He will bring people in to my life that I need to know and meet and love in His time. I can't wait to see what He has in store!
But I always have to remember that the Lord is God, and it is He who made me and I am HIS. I am a sheep in His pasture, I am His daughter. His love ENDURES FOREVER! He has placed this desire in me to serve Him and I know that it's not wrong to have this holy ambition to be mightly used by God. because He has put that desire for greatness in my soul, for the great One lives inside of me. I was created to live the big dream of HIS heart. Why settle for anything less?
See you real soon.
In Christ AWESOME love,
HIS and yours
Cami
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