I've been putting off this post for a while now, but I think it's about time I got it all down, especially since it has been keeping me up the past couple nights. And as I sit here I'm doing everything I can to shove the tears that are puddling in my eyes back down deep inside so I can get through this, because this is the hardest part. Moving on.
In 6 short weeks I will be graduating from college. and I am scared for my life. Scared because i stopped planning my life around my sophomore year of college. Scared because I have no idea, really what I am going to do after school. But what scares me the most is once I leave school all the friends I've made, all the people I have learned to love here, will forget me and I will never see them again. And that is what I'm scared of the most.
It's getting harder to keep up friendships, especially with those who will not be graduating with me. My friends who still have another year or two left. I get where they are coming from what's the point of staying friends with me when in a month I will be gone. And I guess it's true, it is time to move on, but I don't want to forget. My friend Mike put it perfectly for me. This is what he said;
"I've been trying to think of what to say... I just don't know. It's inevitable. It happens because life has to move on and people need to move on; not forget, just keep moving. And that's the hardest part. Moving on."
The truth is, I have a problem with forgetting. but I have a habit of making friends with people who are really good at forgetting. Forgetting to text back, forgetting to put a letter in the mail, forgetting to call, forgetting. forgetting. forgetting. And for someone who doesn't forget very easily, it is one of the toughest things to deal with, it's one of the toughest things not to get angry about. And the thing that scares me the most is that where God is calling me to I know I won't have a single friend, I won't have a single person of my own background, that speaks my own language (maybe). And i know I am going to need a support system from those friend back home, but a part of my heart feels that it will be harder to find.
It's something I've been struggling with a lot. It is something that God is teaching me right now, with friends and family, teaching me that people will forget, people will move on, but God, He is always with me and He will never forget. And for me, that's a love I need, that's a relationship I can't seem to find in any human being, because only God can do it. It's understandable and it's okay that this is happening, and for me it is good, because it is drawing me closer to God. It is making me put my trust, put my faith, put my life in His hands and know that He has it all taken care of.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm okay with the friends I've made moving on because I am moving on, but I won't ever forget them. Each person no matter how close of a friend or acquaintance they are God has used to impact and change my life, I'm am grateful for every person He has placed in my life, without them I wouldn't be the person I am. Without God I wouldn't be here today. And I owe it to my friends, my family, and most importantly to God to move on. not forget, but move on.
Because where He is calling me, nobody can follow. It's a journey and a destination meant for just me and Jesus.
Moving on, but not forgetting,
HIS and yours,