I am afraid of fear.
Okay, I realize how contradicting that sounds, but really think about it. It makes sense does it not? Afraid of fear. We are constantly told not to be afraid, to buck up and get going. But the truth is fear is always around, is always there and it's something that I am afraid of.
I'm afraid that fear will cripple me, that it will keep me from doing the things God has called me to do. And then I realized that I constantly tell myself to not be afraid of fear, and what do I end up doing. Fearing.
I got a message from a man named Michael, who I met in Uganda last summer. This man, to me, was the epitome of fearless, he preached on the radio, he'd wake up in the morning and take the bota bota into the city and preach on the street corner, he sang worship songs to God when we were digging together. God taught me so much through this man. How to be fearless when it comes to living my life for God. His message came at a perfect time, a time when I was fearing where God was leading me, questioning Him if this is what He really wanted me to do, but I know it was my flesh telling me to run the other way, to hide behind the fear and tell myself there is no way I can do this. But then I got this message, this is what is said "God's grace will never let you down. No matter what it is, you will see God standing by your side. He cares for you, so be strong. (Isa 41:10)."
So after reading the message I went and looked up the verse in my Bible and this is the verse "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not dismay for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." And then I laughed, seriously I laughed out loud, because God's timing is never too late and is always at the time when I think that I am losing it. With Him I have no reason to fear.
With Him everything happens perfectly and on His time, not my own. It was shortly after that message that I received my assignment for Tanzania, a new ministry partner, and my budget for the trip. God is pretty amazing. He will lead us through the valley of the shadows of darkness, but with Him we have nothing to be afraid of. Even the trivial things of the world are not scary with the Lord. It's pretty cool to be able to see that not only in my own life, but in the lives of others.
Now all my life I've told myself "don't be afraid." And it is only now that I'm realizing how stupid that is. Don't be afraid, is like saying, "don't move out of the way when someone tries to punch you" or "don't flinch at the heat oa a fire" or "don't blink." Don't be human. I'm afraid and you're afraid and we're all going to be afraid, because that's the point, it's bound to happen. What we should be telling ourselves is be afraid but do it anyway, live anyway. And know that God is there with us, guiding us my the right hand, keeping those things, that so easily make us scared, at bay.
Life does not play fair, it's tough and there are many things that are going to frighten us, but we can't let those things keep us from living the life that God has laid out for us. Yes challenge will come, whether that be leaving your friends and family to move away to a place God wants you, whether it comes with just accepting the fact that we are not perfect, whatever those things are, God will take care of us, He will never leave nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5).
"Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement... get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed" -Abraham Joshua Heschel. This is the way I want to live my life, radically amazed, not letting fear way me down. I no longer want to be afraid of fear. Things are going to frighten me, but the courage I have in Christ outweighs anything or anyone that tries to tear me down with fear. And in that I am fearless.
Trying to live Fearless for God,
HIS and yours,