Busy. Busy. Busy.
The first word that comes to my mind when I think of the next two weeks of college until Christmas break. Busy.
I haven't slept in 24 hours and I'm trying to catch a breath, I know really the only way to do that is to sit in the presence of God, it seems though my body does not want to turn off long enough and my mind does not want to stop wandering, wondering about all the things I need to do. I think the hardest part of the mornings is that the minute I wake up my mind starts going. Except for this morning. This morning is different. One because I never went to sleep, but two because I'm up before seven and all of my roommates. I can turn on my music and prop open my Bible and just meditate on the Word and on Him. What a wonderful way to wake up in the morning.
I know that He will help me get through the rest of this day. While I was reading this morning I came across the passage Luke 12:48, it's a interesting and thought provoking passage, especially at 5:30 A.M. but I never read it throughly and applied to who I am. "...From everyone who had been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."
It's interesting to think about. What could possibly be asked of me? What could be given to me? And then when I do sit down and think about. It hits me. Life. this life. these moments to share the gospel, to love Him and spread His love. The chance to sing and dance and pray and shout and love in His name. The chance to further His Kingdom, for His glory. How awesome is that. I get excited just thinking about how much we have been asked of with these lives. But then I realize I've been asked much, but have I even answered this call. Yeah a little volunteering here, a little scripture there... but am I really living out what I have been asked? Are you living out what you have been asked.
Now, not all of us are asked of the same things. We all have a different calling, a different purpose in God's awesome MASTER plan. I think that every single person can be used, can be the hands and feet of Jesus. They only need to be willing. And to understand that they are being given much, and much will be asked. But honestly in the end it is all worth it.
To be everything that I go through on earth for Him and Him alone is all worth is. Whether I go through life peacefully, whether I come to my end of life early or late, whether my life is full of trails, whether I marry, whether I'm single, whether I live in America, whether i live overseas. whether i have food, clothes, water, whether I don't. Any of it no matter what I this society tells me is right, it's nothing compared to when I come to the end of my life and I stand before the Judgement seat of Christ and here him say "well done good and faithful servant." and to dance with my King. Because honestly no matter what I'm doing I want to be doing it for the Kingdom, people desperately need to see Jesus and not just on a third world missions trip, but every single day. Jesus is alway with us, why can't we let Jesus shine through us always?
I know, it's hard, but it's worth it. All the money in the world, all the love in the world it is NOTHING, compared to Jesus. Nothing. We have been given so much and we grab ahold of it and take it and run as far away from the much that is being asked. Without the asking, there is no life, there is no journey, there is no story worth following without direction from Him. The One who guides us all.
Look deep, love deep, walk deep. Dive into the Faith. Look at all that you have been given. Much has been given and now Much is asked. Lift it up to Him. The Almighty, The Creator. Our Beloved.
Blessings in Christ abundant Love,
HIS and yours,
Sunday, November 27, 2011
My throat is dry and my voice is hoarse. I think it is from screaming at my tire for an hour. Flat tire's are the worst. I'd never gotten a real flat tire before, I mean if you don't count the flat tires when your friend's step on the back of your shoes, but if not then saturday night or early sunday morning at midnight was the first time I got a real flat tire.
I can be honest I was genuinely angry when my tire went flat and I was in a dress and high heels. Luckily I had a change of clothes in my car, but in all honesty the timing of this flat couldn't have been worse. I was angry, I couldn't get a hold of anyone in my family and I was just frustrated. So I yelled and yelled and yelled some more. I had it out with God, it's been a tough semester trying to find myself again, more find myself in Him. I feel as if it is something I go through multiple times. You know that passage in Romans where Paul talks about when he wants to do good evil is right there with him, I feel like I am the epitome of that passage. I constantly want to do good, but I feel like every time I turn around I'm messing up. Messing up school, messing up friendships, messing up relationships, messing up life in general. And I always look at God and ask "Why in the world do you want a sinner like me?"
I just kept thinking as I was sitting in my car literally crying out to God, this is the worst timing ever, why God, why now, why at this moment. But even though it may have been the worse timing for me, He knew it was perfect timing. Because, well His timing always is. He honestly knows me, He knew I needed to be broken... or broken down ;). And God knows I typically need something big to happen to get my attention, because I tend to overlook the little things and signs. So a flat tire was His choice. And as I look at it now, He was just showing me how I have become just like my tire. FLAT.
Like my tire, which got a slow leak in it and then blew to shreds, I have become like that. I slowly let myself become complacent with everything, with my family, with my friends, with my school work, and especially with my Faith. I'm ashamed to admit how often I ignore His voice until the time something blows up. I know I need to learn how to rejoice in Him at all times. Even when I am feeling like I can't hear Him, He is still there.
I'm just one of those strange people who when things are going good it is easy for me to forget to thank God or remember to praise Him for His amazing glory, but when something goes bad I am immediately upset with Him or I remember to pray or yell at Him. And I think that this flat tire was something to show me that I constantly do this. I say I want to be a follower of Christ, I say I want to be a Prayer Warrior, and yet I forget. Yes I'm human, but so was Jesus. Yes Jesus was perfect and I am definitely not even close to that. And yet He holds me to that standard, even though He knows I will fail, He still loves me, even in my failures.
And having a God like that is worth all the flat tires in the world. Because I know what I need to do in my Faith, and that is seek Him even more and deeper. I don't know why I stopped seeking HIm every morning and evening, I make the excuse that I am busy, but God's got a gazillion children on the earth and He still has time for me, so I do not think the busy excuse will cut it anymore. I cannot explain how sorry I am for the person I have been and I know things I have said and actions I have done may not be able to be taken back, but I am sorry to all those people I have hurt in these past four months going through whatever I was going through. To my friends, my family, but most of all to God, because He is the one that know's absolutely everything and still sticks with me. No sorry can fix me, only He can. I know that at any opportunity I have I will share Him, seek Him, love Him. and be Reckless. because this life is fleeting and only what is done for the Kingdom will last. And in all honesty, I don't want to be remembered. I want Him to be glorified. All I can do is pray, seek, love, and go where He calls me. To Walk in his Mercy, His Grace, and Faith. Because only He can satisfy.
Walking in Faith,
HIS and yours,
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
It's starting... The weddings, the engagements, the dating. It's crazy to think how fast things have gone, and here I sit twenty-one years old and while people are taking the leap into relationships and making the decision to get married, I'm trying to make the decision to move to Africa. It's a hard decision to make, not that marriage is something to be entered into lightly, because it's not. But when I think of it, it's moving into a new life with a person by your side. My decision to move to another country by myself and live among the people there is something totally different. I mean I know I won't be alone, God will be there.
It's just crazy the drastic difference of my life compared to my friends life. It was amazing talking to my friend tonight and seeing that we both realize it's okay to not be in a relationship, it's okay to not be looking constantly, because neither of us want to settle. Listening to my friend talk about his future and all that's in store really helped me think about my future and what God has in store. Something that I continue to push away, because I don't want to think about the future because I really have no clue what I'm going to do come graduation day.
The thing is that I know God's got someone out there for me. Someone that loves Him more than me. Someone that will talk with me about anything whether it's Jesus, sports, books, music, or work, or whatever. Someone who will travel on a whim to wherever God may be calling us. But right now that guy isn't ready and neither am I. God is still preparing us and although I get impatient I know the right thing to do is wait. Wait for him and wait on HIM.
So I'm just going to place my heart in the hands of God, because I know that He will place it in the hands of a man that He knows deserves it. I'm all in.
HIS and yours,