Sunday, February 26, 2012



That's the word I think of a lot when I think of prayer and asking God for things.


He gives me opportunities to practice what I ask for. Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Love, Self-Control. And I've realized... I constantly fail at these opportunities. Instead most times I find myself saying, "God I asked you to help me be kinder, not get into a fight." And I'm sure He's up there in Heaven chuckling at me, saying "Oh daughter, don't you see that was there for you to practice your kindness."

I didn't see this until last night. My sarcasm isn't the nicest thing, or way to joke with people. And maybe it's something I need to stop doing. Because I never realized that it could hurt someone until last night. And cause a "fight." But after I (like a mature adult) stormed away from the "fight" because I didn't want to say something else that might hurt this person and I needed to cool off, I realized what God wanted me to do. To resolve the conflict, to apologize and to show that even though I didn't mean to hurt this person sometimes I do just that. SO I went back and we talked, and I felt better and they felt better. And I thanked God for a very understanding friend.

You see no one ever said that this life would be easy. To walk in the footsteps of Christ, but just because it isn't easy doesn't mean it's not worth it. God gives us so many opportunities to put into practice what Jesus constantly talked about in the Bible. And it's amazing how many time those opportunities go unnoticed in our lives, even though they may not be exactly what we asked for, they bring about what we were asking.

So we run into a person that we don't get along with, opportunity to practice love and kindness in so many ways. We get stuck behind the slowest driver in the world, opportunity to practice patience. We can't make the payment on the bills or grocery shopping, opportunity to practice faith and trust in God. There are so many more, but the opportunities are always there, but what matters is what we do with them.

We can continue to go about our days, living our mundane lives, ignoring the constant nudging and opportunities from God. Or we can do something different, take a step in the direction of Jesus' path and grab each opportunity that He gives us. Yeah sometimes we'll mess up even when we take the opportunity. But God's grace is so amazing, He'll give us another chance.

It's not easy and God tells us it's not. But life would be so much better if we learned to step into Jesus footprints, to practice what we ask for. to take up our cross, grab our opportunities and follow after Him.

Grabbing at my opportunities,

HIS and yours,


Thursday, February 23, 2012

God is bigger than the CAN'T

"There are needs everywhere. In your school, in your profession, in your hometown, or in a part of the world you've never heard of, there are people whose hurts and needs are vast. You can make a difference wherever He leads you to go (or stay). Just listen for His call, and then answer with all of your heart, never underestimating what the Lord can do through one person." -Ellen Kershaw.

I'm sitting here staring at this application sitting blank on my desk. It's been sitting here for a week and I don't know what to do with it. No it's not an application for grad school or a job after college. Quite the opposite actually it's an application to go back to Uganda for a year. And here it sits. And here I sit. Both blank with lots of questions.

I first entertained this idea my Sophomore year of college. I remember sitting at a Pizza Ranch table with my parents sitting across from me asking me what I wanted to do. "I want to leave, I want to go somewhere, anywhere. I want to go to Africa." They both looked at me and said "Then go." but I didn't, because somewhere deep down I knew that God was not finished withe me yet. My journey here was not complete. I did go to Africa for a short amount of time. Uganda, a place my heart is and may always be. I got a taste of this beautiful country of Uganda and got to meet and fall in love with the beautiful people. My life forever changed the moment I stepped off that plane I felt like the part of me that felt like it was missing was finally filled. Like God had finally filled in the missing pieces of my heart like never before.

And I returned home to finish my last year of college, but now that I only have three months left I can see that this wonderful, blessed journey is coming to an end. Unlike a lot of my friends around me, I'm not going onto grad school or to a job after college. As of right now I'm not going anywhere and in some weird way I am okay with that because I long ago decided to put my future and my trust in God's hands. It's not that I'm not doing anything, I'm praying and seeking and waiting on Him. And it seems that after all the applications I have filled out and internships I have applied for, and after hearing nothing in the past two months I feel that God is slowly guiding me to the answers I am searching and asking for.

And as these answers begin to surface I keeping thinking I can't... I can't... (insert excuse here). But through my can't's and excuses God continues to confirm what I think I cannot do. God I can't travel to another country and share the gospel and love them. Accomplished and Confirmed. God I can't speak in front of crowds of people and share my heart. Accomplished and Confirmed. God is so much bigger than I can't. Because He says I can. Whatever He puts in my path, no matter how big the obstacle, no mater my doubt in myself. God says I can, He knows my potential and each and every time He makes me step up to the challenge and meet the potential He has for me.

It's crazy to think, as I look at this blank application, that this could be my life after college. It's a huge desire of my heart to return, but I want it to be God's desire for my life first, before I make any decisions I want Him to confirm in me that this is where He wants me. And I know He'll show me when and what to do when the time comes.

God is so much bigger than the can't's. Stop telling yourself you can't and listen to God's voice telling you, you CAN! No matter what is, wherever you are. You don't have to go somewhere to spread God's love and gospel. Right where you are is the best place to start. Remember God's plans are so much better, don't jump into something until you know it is where God wants you to be. He'll bring you to that place, no matter how long it takes, His plans will happen.

He is so mighty, so loving, so amazing. He will come through when no one else does. He will show you the way. And most importantly He will always be with us, wherever we go. He's already gone ahead and prepared the way. And knowing that, I am ready to go anywhere and do anything He calls me to do.

listening for His calling,

HIS and yours,


Monday, February 20, 2012

Ladies, no guy can ever bear the weight of God or fulfill you like He can. Only Jesus saves, and sometimes He uses those single seasons (or single lifetimes for some) to painfully address the idolatry some have of finding “the one” that actually doesn’t exist. -Jeff Bethke

Thursday, February 16, 2012

God will Provide

God will Provide.

this phrase is the motto of my Family. God will provide. It's true though, He always does. No matter how much worry I think we have, He somehow always comes through in the craziest ways for my family. And in that I am blessed. Not only to have a family whose motto is this, but believes it whole-heartedly. Who has given me the foundation to build my own faith in God and to allow this motto become my own personal life motto as well. God will Provide. He always does.

He's gotten me to Alaska and the Yukon to do VBS and traveling ministry. He's gotten me to Texas to do Prison ministry. He's gotten me to Uganda to do ministry. and I know He'll provide the means for me to get to Haiti in two weeks. He's love is unfailing and so is His grace to provide.

I know He wouldn't call me to these places if He was not going to provide. And in each moment He gives me the opportunity to have faith in Him and to walk out my life motto. To believe that He will provide. Sometimes it gets a little scary but He always comes through.

Philippian 4:19 says that God will supply all our needs according to his riches in glory by Jesus Christ. I believe this with all my heart. And even at times I doubt I know at the end of it all God is carry me, He's providing for me now and will provide for me for the rest of my life. Because He loves me that much and my words fail to describe the love I have for Him.

Trusting in His Provision,

HIS and yours,


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

We love because He first Loved us.

A poem for my future husband.

I think of you in the in-between spaces,
in the pause before the next heartbeat,
in the clench of my chest before I exhale,
in the swell of courage before I say hello.
And perhaps one day,
Our lives will occupy one space,
Touched Shoulders.
Clasped Hands.
Shared Secrets.

I haven't met you yet and I know Jesus is preparing us both for that glorious day. And as He writes out this love story I can't help but be excited. because I think of the love that we will have each other and that is only because He loved us first.
Wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Happy Love Day. But know that I will love you everyday, all our lives. I don't know you and you don't know me. And until than I will continue to wait for you. Because God's love story for us is far better than anything thing I could ever write.
Know that I love you, but HE loves you so much more.

waiting on HIM.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

I get these random feelings of loneliness. They make my heart hurt, because I feel so disconnected from the people around me and then I draw inside myself. Because it's safer there and no one can hurt you. But even when I do that I still feel lonely and I still feel hurt.

Maybe it's the way of God telling me to draw closer to Him. A lot of the times I feel lonely around the people I'm closest to or even just a group of random people. I don't know I know I have Jesus. but lately I feel like that is ALL i have.

but maybe that is how it is supposed to be. Maybe this is how I draw nearer to Him. It still hurts, but it's worth it.

finding comfort in Jesus,

HIS and yours,


Sometimes I worry about Life.

"do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" Matthew 6:25.

Sometimes, or most times, to be more accurate, I worry about Life. Life, so much meaning in a one syllable word. Life. The words in Matthew sound so simple but when it comes the action of these words all I ever do is worry. I find myself asking God why is Life so cruel, why can it not be easier, why do the ones I love have to get hurt by other people. Why do people I don't know have to die. I worry about not living this Life. Not having the courage to do things I would never do, well within reason of course.

I constantly ask the questions, How can I not worry about Life or my body. God those are the only things this world cares about and if I don't worry about them how will I reach the people of the world. They're funny questions and I realize the root of why I'm asking them is selfish. Because a lot of the time I am not worried about reaching people with Jesus, I'm worried about reaching people with myself.

All to often I find myself with these thoughts... oh the guy i like, likes somebody prettier, skinnier, and all, well God, I have to worry about my body, I need to look skinnier be prettier to be seen by this person. I don't know what I am going to do with my life, I need worry, because I need to figure it all out to be able to have an answer for all the people asking.

Honestly, I'm a horrible person. I am a disgrace to the name of Jesus. that may sound harsh. But I shouldn't care about that person that likes somebody else, because obviously if he doesn't "see me" than we aren't meant to be together and God is going to bring someone into my life that is far better for who I am, not for who I am not. And I don't have to worry about what I am doing with my Life, because what's better than living this Life for Jesus. All out.

to Live is Christ, but to die is gain. this phrase as always confused me. but the truth in this one little phrase couldn't hit me more directly in the face than it did today. In church the pastor asked that if we could have Heaven without God, would we take it. And I seriously thought about it. I'm living this life, trying to find the path that God wants me on and the joy that He has brought to my life is unexplainable. if I could have heaven without God, would I? Absolutely not, because Heaven wouldn't be Heaven without Him.

I'm a worrier.
I know that for a fact and it is something work on daily. To be more carefree, to have courage to Live. and right now the choices are staring me in the face. Those people I want to take a chance on are right there... do i go for it? Do I leave what I know and move to another country to live with people completely different than me? is it what God is calling me to? I don't know. I worry. I worry about if I were to leave would those I care deeply about, my family, my friends back home, my old and new friends I have made at college. Would it change our relationships, would we lose touch, would they forget about me. But in all honestly even if we did I know I would have Jesus and that makes the worrying go away.

You see if I were to die today, tomorrow, or even 90 years from now. I would still have Him. I wouldn't want people to remember me, I would want people to remember Jesus living in me. and how I lived out His footsteps. Because if people can't see Jesus than I guess I'm not living.

Living for Christ,

HIS and yours,


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

With God, we can overcome GIANTS!

God is so AMAZING. seriously words cannot describe the amount of joy He has given me. Lately i've just been overwhelmed with this giant list of things I had, have, and have yet to do, and it seemed at any moment those things were going to come crashing down on top of me. But luckily for me I've got one amazing man named Jesus, who never ceases to take care of me. Seriously there is no one better than Him, I don't know how I survived so long with out Him. Oh right it's cause I was dead, and now I'm ALIVE!

I've been reading in 1 Samuel a lot lately one because I just love David and I really aspire to have a heart like his, but more importantly there are some awesome stories of God's grace and power in that book. So today I read through David being anointed as well as his magnificent battle with the giant Goliath.

Now I'm sure ya'll have heard this story told a million and one times and it is a classic, but today I decided to read it as if I was David. Which was SWEET. get this David was the youngest and compared to all those other men in Saul's army he was the tiniest. Now I can relate to this, I'm pretty young, I'd like to think and I'm not the strongest or biggest person around. So i felt like I related well to David on this level. But then it was at this part where David is telling these great armies of Saul that he will go out and fight and Saul was saying "David you're just a boy you can't go out there and fight this GINORMOUS man." And David says "I may just be a boy, but with God I can do all things."

How crazy is that boys Faith! Obviously it's crazy because he goes out there and takes out this giant with a rock and sling shot. God never seems to do things the normal way. And while reading this I saw that with God I can face my giants. Those things that seems so huge I can't overcome. but with God I can overcome anything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have those giants in our lives. Those things we don't think we can face or overcome. But we need to realize that with God in our hearts and on our side those giants are nothing compared to Him. They will be crushed and they will fall, but only with God's help can that happen.

I don't know what giants you are facing right now and I won't pretend to. But I know in my heart that with God, we can face our giants. We can overcome them. Just as David did. Because the battle is the Lord's and we are a part of His army.

Keep fighting. God is with us always and forever fighting right by our side.

Facing Giants with Jesus,

HIS and yours,


Monday, February 6, 2012

I hope they see Jesus.


that is the only word that can describe this past week and the next two weeks I'm sure. It has been a busy stressful couple of weeks and it seems that they are only going to keep going. And when I get stressed. I get frustrated. and I when I get frustrated I get irritated, sometimes for an unexplainable reason, because I know I can't control the things that are causing me this stress. So I get upset with things that have no affect on me normally, but in that moment it is the thing that drives me crazy.

I feel that these moments are the most important. The moments that I cannot control. Because I know deep down that Jesus can control them but that I won't let Him. I want to hold onto them, I want to get angry, get frustrated and irritated. But I didn't realize until today that when I do that. Jesus cannot be seen. and all I want is people to Jesus, not me. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7.

I know that the Lord sees my heart and what's deep inside there, but the problem is normal people; aka everyone that is not Jesus, can't see my heart. And when I shut off my heart and get angry, then those people can't see Jesus either. and that is all I want.

But my fear is showing people my heart. letting people see that I am not what I appear to be. I am extremely vulnerable, I have a tender heart. I hurt easily. But I don't let it show on the outside. I want to stay tough, angry. "A lot of time, our greatest fears are rooted in personal insecurities. The perspective of faith enables us to see who we truly are in Christ. God is on our side. Through Jesus, we are righteous. We are cleansed. We are accepted." -Steven Furtick.

This is true, I am afraid of my personal insecurities, I want and I desire to let people see my heart. But in all honesty I don't know how to do that without a pen and paper. without a laptop and a word document. Letting people see my heart face to face is something I can't do very well. And I know it is something to work HARD on. How am I suppose to reach out to those who don't have a computer, who don't have paper or a pen. Those people, who with words, face to face, is the only way to touch their heart with mine.

God knows all to well that this is something I have to work on. And He's already started preparing me for this journey. In two days I will speak to over six hundred college students. My own classmates and friends and faculty and staff and people I have yet to meet and some I may never meet. I will open my heart in front of all those people. And I have never been more scared and felt more unprepared than I do right now.

It will be just me and Jesus. no hiding behind a notebook, no hiding behind a computer screen. They will see me, they will see my heart, and I hope they will see Jesus.

HIS and yours,


Thursday, February 2, 2012

Weakness is Strength

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." 2 Corinthians 11:30.

Developing film is HARD. and oh so frustrating. Do not try it, just take my word. But honestly since beginning my photography class the beginning of this semester I have gone through three cameras and 5 rolls of film. 2 of those cameras were broken and only 2 of the 5 rolls of film were developed. Awesome right. Not awesome. 3 of those rolls of film, after taking a ton a pictures and going through all the steps to develop them in the darkroom, came out completely blank. Not one picture on them. And I was just so discouraged, and frustrated, and weak. I cried twice, once in front of my professor, which is slightly embarrassing. And my professor, being the wonderful guy he is. Gave me two new rolls of film and a new camera, without question.
As I was in the darkroom once again, developing my fifth roll of film I couldn't help but wonder if God ever felt the way I felt. I put all this work into these pictures and developing them and nothing happens. I wonder if God feels the same with us. He gives us opportunities to do so many things and yet we decide to do nothing. Does he yell and cry and through his film across the room. No probably not, but I am also a flawed human being. And God is well. God.

But honestly how many times has God asked me to do something, pointed me in the direction, and I have refused to show up. Probably more times than I've taken and developed pictures. It just made me laugh tonight through this whole process I had become so weak and frustrated and as I developed my 5th roll of film I realized that I had been asking God to make me weak and help me to give EVERYTHING to Him. Yeah it's kind of dorky, but if you would have seen me last night and this afternoon crying in that darkroom would have known that I was at one of my weakest points.

Luckily God always comes through, with lots of praying and help my film developed tonight and I praised Jesus through it all. Because it gave me strength to know that I can do this, but I can't do it without Him. Which kind of goes with life. I can do this life, but I can't do it without Him. He's taking care of me. From my future to developing a little roll of film. He's pretty awesome if you ask me. In my Weakness He has made me feel so Strong.

He has blessed me so much and I know that even if I continue to make mistakes, continue to fail, and not show up. He will continue to create and work on me. Just like I will with my photography.

developing in FAITH.

HIS and yours,