I'm sitting here staring at this application sitting blank on my desk. It's been sitting here for a week and I don't know what to do with it. No it's not an application for grad school or a job after college. Quite the opposite actually it's an application to go back to Uganda for a year. And here it sits. And here I sit. Both blank with lots of questions.
I first entertained this idea my Sophomore year of college. I remember sitting at a Pizza Ranch table with my parents sitting across from me asking me what I wanted to do. "I want to leave, I want to go somewhere, anywhere. I want to go to Africa." They both looked at me and said "Then go." but I didn't, because somewhere deep down I knew that God was not finished withe me yet. My journey here was not complete. I did go to Africa for a short amount of time. Uganda, a place my heart is and may always be. I got a taste of this beautiful country of Uganda and got to meet and fall in love with the beautiful people. My life forever changed the moment I stepped off that plane I felt like the part of me that felt like it was missing was finally filled. Like God had finally filled in the missing pieces of my heart like never before.
And I returned home to finish my last year of college, but now that I only have three months left I can see that this wonderful, blessed journey is coming to an end. Unlike a lot of my friends around me, I'm not going onto grad school or to a job after college. As of right now I'm not going anywhere and in some weird way I am okay with that because I long ago decided to put my future and my trust in God's hands. It's not that I'm not doing anything, I'm praying and seeking and waiting on Him. And it seems that after all the applications I have filled out and internships I have applied for, and after hearing nothing in the past two months I feel that God is slowly guiding me to the answers I am searching and asking for.
And as these answers begin to surface I keeping thinking I can't... I can't... (insert excuse here). But through my can't's and excuses God continues to confirm what I think I cannot do. God I can't travel to another country and share the gospel and love them. Accomplished and Confirmed. God I can't speak in front of crowds of people and share my heart. Accomplished and Confirmed. God is so much bigger than I can't. Because He says I can. Whatever He puts in my path, no matter how big the obstacle, no mater my doubt in myself. God says I can, He knows my potential and each and every time He makes me step up to the challenge and meet the potential He has for me.
It's crazy to think, as I look at this blank application, that this could be my life after college. It's a huge desire of my heart to return, but I want it to be God's desire for my life first, before I make any decisions I want Him to confirm in me that this is where He wants me. And I know He'll show me when and what to do when the time comes.
God is so much bigger than the can't's. Stop telling yourself you can't and listen to God's voice telling you, you CAN! No matter what is, wherever you are. You don't have to go somewhere to spread God's love and gospel. Right where you are is the best place to start. Remember God's plans are so much better, don't jump into something until you know it is where God wants you to be. He'll bring you to that place, no matter how long it takes, His plans will happen.
He is so mighty, so loving, so amazing. He will come through when no one else does. He will show you the way. And most importantly He will always be with us, wherever we go. He's already gone ahead and prepared the way. And knowing that, I am ready to go anywhere and do anything He calls me to do.
listening for His calling,
HIS and yours,
Cami
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