Thursday, May 27, 2010

It's so Close!

"Hell fears holy ones that are sent from God. God wants to make you holy and then send you to spark revival." -Brian Beasley

3 days until I am on a plane to Alaska, where I will spend the next 2 and half months just being a servant. Being God's hands and feet. He has so much planned, I can't even fathom. I love serving my family and my friends, but I am ready to serve even more of God's people, no matter where they are. And Alaska is where I have been sent.

It will be a new and wonderful experience for me. And as God prepares my heart, I am learning where I am the weakest and the strongest. I am finding out that I am more weak then strong, but God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.

His love never fails me and as I walk with Him, He reveals the things He wants me to know and His light shines upon me. Glory be to God. Forever and Ever. I have never been more excited.

"Blessed be the name of God forever and ever. . . He reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness; and light dwells with Him." (Dan. 2:20-22)

His and yours


Saturday, May 22, 2010

My heart.

My heart is where the orphans are. My heart is where the girls being sold in to sex and human trafficking are. My heart is where the youth are. My heart is wherever God has left it.

Dream: to build my own orphanage from the ground up, and house and take care of orphans. Where, I don't know, I guess wherever God sends me. My heart is where the orphans are. Also to build a woman's house from the ground up, to house and support and take care of all the woman sold as sex slaves and into human trafficking. Where, I don't know, maybe in the same place as the orphanage, maybe some place else. My heart is wherever those women are. God's got it all in His hands. He knows the desire of my heart and He know that plans He has for me.

I'm not worried about anything, whatever He asks of me, I will do. No matter the cost.
Because He is my God. There is no other.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Beautiful Song.

A song by Sanctus Real, I came across, the lyrics are beautiful and truly express God's love.

I'll Show You How to Live:
By: Sanctus Real.

I heard the sound of your first breath
A brand new life on your mother’s chest
A beating heart, expectant eyes
On the first day of your life
I saw you take your first step
And I watched you run with no regret
To chase your dreams and find true love
And the best is yet to come

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Remember how you felt from across the room
When you realized someone had eyes for you
And the way your heart sang cuz you believed
You were worth something

So come with me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live
Oh, I’ll show you how to live

Cuz I created your heart
That makes you feel
I am the love that makes it real
Oh, I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Cause I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the one, I’m the One, I’m the One

Jealous Love, Burning Desire. For Jesus.

I was created to burn.
In Songs of Songs 8:6 Jesus says, "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal over your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy as unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." Jesus' eyes are a blazing flame. His love is more powerful than the grave. Death hunts down every man, but here, God's mighty flame of love is eve stronger than death. It hunts you down. It pursues you until your hearts is sealed with a love that is stronger than any lust or addiction or distraction this world could offer.
I have this burning in my heart for more and more of God's love. I can't ever get enough, I am never satisfied, I hunger for more. His love quenches my thirst and feeds my hungry soul.
Our God is this jealous God. I love the God whose name is Jealous. His eyes are a blazing fire, burning away everything that seeks to compete with the affections of my heart. With God, my jealous God, nothing can win my heart like He has. He is the only one that can fill my void, my burning desire for His love.
Emilie Barnes once said "God has put into each of our lives a void that cannot be filled by the world. We may leave God or put Him on hold, but He is always there, patiently waiting for us... to turn back to Him." No matter how much we try to fill that void with lust, pride, sex, addictions, or anything else this world is selling, we will become more and more empty, because God and His abounding, burning love is the only thing that can fill that void.
But you know what the amazing thing is about this. Yeah, God made each and every one of us with this void, but He gives us the choice to choose. To CHOOSE. Him or the world. Free will, who you of thought. He doesn't need us, really, but He loves us, and He gives us the choice to choose. How can we not choose Him?
And once we do He is always with us, holding our hand, guiding our path, never letting go. Though we may turn away or ignore His calling, He is always waiting for us, because He loves us.
You see, God's hand is always there; once you grasp it you'!! never want to let it go. So "Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilt conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:22,23.

God is love. He is all we need.

In Christ

His and yours,


Saturday, May 15, 2010

5:33 in the A.M...

"God's holy beauty... stirs your drowsing soul... He creates in you the desire to find Him and run after Him- to follow wherever He leads you, and to press peacefully against His heart wherever He is." -John of the Cross.

It's a Saturday morning and I haven't slept at all. The weird thing is I'm not really tired and I know I'll probably feel it later on, or most likely Sunday, but don't you ever have those moments where it's like I can't go to sleep now, God's tugging on my heart. I love these moments because when it's late or early is when I am the most sensitive to what God wants me to hear. Because I can't be noisy and crazy, because everyone else in the house is asleep. How do I know? I can hear my dad and my mom snoring two doors down from me. I can hear my brother mumbling in his sleep, and my sister's light is still on which means she is still up, or just fell asleep with the light on again... I never really know.

It is at these times I get the most random thoughts or feelings, like how much I love the smell of my new Bible and how much I love the sounds of the crisp page as I flip through it looking for the scripture that has been tugging at my heart. Or how I love the sound of my music coming through my headphones right now, and how no matter how hard I try I can't help but sing-a-long. "You won't relent until you have it all, My heart is Yours, Jesus."

Anyhow, I feel like this is just a randomly rumbling mumbling blog, but I love these nights where I can't sleep until I pray, or I can't sleep until I've found that scripture that's been digging at the back of my mind. And when I do, no matter how late it is I feel refreshed. I feel relaxed. I feel peace. I'm at that point where now sleep comes last compared to God and I never thought I would get to that place. And now I don't know how I ever managed to get 7-8 hours of sleep in when there is so much to pray for, so many people that don't know Jesus. There is so much to study, so many book in the Bible. It's amazing how once, just one time, your eyes are opened and after that you never see anything the same again.

Like earlier today, I went outside after it's been a downpour for the past two or three days and the sun was shining it was warm and I looked up at the sky smiled then looked down at a little flower my mom had planted and cried. I cried at a flower! I am so overwhelmed with the beauty of God's creation how can I not cry at it? Is that weird? Yeah probably to most people, but for me it's a new way that I have began to look at things, at people, at situations. How would Christ look at this? It's pretty cool I have to say.

Anyway the prayers that have kept me up have been prayed for, I know I'm not through but I also found the scripture that's been tapping at the back of my head and I figure I should just close my ramblings with the Word of God. Because really what's better than the Word of God?

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." -Isaiah 58:11.

In Christ love,

His and yours,


Thursday, May 13, 2010


We can trust God with our hearts. We can trust that He is good and mighty. We can trust that He sees and He knows.

We can trust that He is with us.

God makes all things new. He forgives and makes us holy. He transforms us from what and who we are into the beautiful character of His Son.

He is the God of new beginnings, who makes a way where there seems no way, who brings comfort and hope to those drowning in hopelessness.

God is with us. Always.

Romans 8 says that because God so freely gave His Son, to die on the cross, to be crushed for our sin, our sin, that we can be confident and assured that He will do more than we can imagine, that He is for us, not against us, that His love is everlasting. We can trust God.

We don't need to worry about anything because the Word says that He loves us so much that He sent His son as the perfect sacrifice so we can now be acceptable, and that we now can come boldly into His real presence and that He lives within us and will never leaves us.

Even in the darkness and darkest times- He is with us and for us and all we need. Even in the hard places when we hurt, He is all we need.

Because we trust Him and He is all we trust Him to be.

He is all we need.

But you see, we are the problem. We don't trust God, not completely. He just seems to good to be trust. So we go searching for this different identity, longing to find this identity that feels right, longing to be comfortable in our own skin.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together.

Trust the Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image.

It is in trusting that we are loved. That we always have been loved. That we always will be loved. We don't have to do anything. Don't have to prove anything or achieve anything, or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as we are, We are totally accepted, forgiven, and there is nothing we could ever do to lose this acceptance.

Before I found this acceptance, I had this huge desire for a boyfriend. It's all I could think about. It occupied every ounce of my mind, my time, my life. I couldn't focus on anything else. But then God intervened at the most inconvenient time for me, and perfect time for Him. Now that I look back it really was the perfect time for me. But anyways. Now I have no desire for a boyfriend. Yeah it's a battle daily for me, look at the school I go to, everyone and their dog is getting engaged or married. And yet God is first and foremost my bridegroom. No one else can take His place. No book, no friend, no family member, no man could ever take the place of my One True Love.

You see I have no doubt that God will put that man in my path when we are both ready. But I have no right to sit around and wait. God has called me to a higher purpose, a harder but much better path. And when that man meets me, I hope he doesn't ever see me, but sees Jesus.

My standards are high, and I know that. No man will ever have my heart the way God does and if this man is okay with always being second to God, then I will understand because I hope that I will always be second to God in his life. It's just the way it's meant to be.

But for now I am single and I am loving every minute of it. Because the things God has called me to do are for right now in my season of singleness, in my journey of just me and God. And when the time comes it will be me God and the man He has chosen for me. But until then I love where I am at right now, with my Bridegroom holding my right hand, leading the way.

And hey, I trust Him. Completely.

In Christ's love

His and yours


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Attacks and the Path

Taking the path less traveled never seems easy at the start. It is tough to shut out the world and all the attacks that are placed on you. To put on that brave face and continue forward. However, that path is also one that, when intended for your feet, will become more and more comfortable as you tread along.

In a little over two weeks I will be leaving for Alaska on a missionary program. I can be completely honest and tell you that I am very anxious and scared. The enemy has already began its attacks on me, using people that I love and that I let get close to me, to mess with my focus and try to get me to look down at this other path. Not the one that God has chosen for me. It took three straight hours of crying and snotting and talking it out with my mom to realize the attack that was being placed on me by the enemy. And I realized God has been telling me to be careful with the people I open up to and the things I say because the enemy will find a way to use that against me. Of course I am human and I choose to ignore what God has been telling me and the enemy reached through and got me. Hard. An attack on me has never hurt this bad, because satan used people I trusted and loved so much. I recognized and as soon as I did with help from my mom I prayed for God to take hold of this attack, take the burdens from my back and for Him to break the hold the enemy had on these people. I love these people dearly and now I know to listen to God and not to the world once again. I am learning, I'm not all knowing like these people made me out to be, I am naive and in no shape to face the enemy again. But I know God's got me in His hands, He has once again made my path known to me. I am going to preach the gospel, I'm being obedient to what He has asked me to do. So of course the attacks are going to come, but I have the shield of salvation and God will protect me, like He always does.

Through this journey that I am on I have had many encounters with attacks from the enemy-- that little voice telling me the path is much more difficult than the one I was previously walking on. The people who continually tell me I am going to fail, that I am false, that I am not worthy enough for God. But here's the thing: Would God put me on such an endeavor without His protection, if it did not cause me to put up a fight for His name for this great adventure He has put ahead of me? Look at it this way. Not a single hero ever went about saving a life without shedding a bit of sweat, blood, and tears. Imagine if Prince Phillip never had to chase down Rose and fight off the evil dragon to save her. Nothing about their tale would be a journey, but, instead, an ordinary, everyday love affair.

So what makes us think that our lives are not worthy for this path, any less of an adventure-packed, fight off a few dragons, awesome ending. God calls each of us to a different journey, to different place, to different people. Though different we are all doing His work, we are all furthering His Kingdom. Maybe you are in your hometown, in Africa, Alaska. Where ever you are doesn't make you any less than anyone else, if you are doing what God has asked you, you are on the right path. And if you are not, God will make that known. Just because someone has different gifts or talents or is in a different place than someone else, doesn't make them higher up on the "God-list" because God loves each one of us, He gave His life for all of us, and He calls all of us!

We all should be embarking on the path that is the most well-suited beneath our feet. The one that God has called us to. Yes, there are bound to be a few pebbles that get stuck in our shoes. But wouldn't you rather bend over, remove them, and continue one, than live your life in the darkness, staring down that path, knowing that you never put on your shoes at all. As the body of Christ we have this Unity in the Spirit. In Ephesians Paul writes urging his brothers to live a life worthy of the calling they have received. "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit- just as you were called to one hope when you were called- one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." It's hard to keep the unity, people are messy. We have pride, lust, we fall, we sin, and we can never admit when we are wrong. But God's grace and love covers us all. He is calling us to be the kind of person who lays themselves down and everything they hold onto down at the foot of His cross, and rise up taking their cross and following Him, completely and utterly surrendered.

To be this kind of person- the kind who selflessly serves- takes everything a person has. It is difficult. It is demanding. And we often find ourselves going against the flow of those around us. We find ourselves getting attacked by people we trust, by people we don't even know, by anything the enemy can use against us. Because satan knows where we are going, and what we are going to be doing. The enemy doesn't want us to further God's Kingdom and he is not going to stand by and say "Oh go ahead and serve God, I don't have a problem with it." he is going to attack us.

The way is narrow. Jesus tells us all the way is narrow. And many people don't recognize that, very few people in our world are offering anything worth dying for. Most of the messages we receive are about how to make life easier. The call that Jesus places on our lives goes a completely different direction than the call of this world. His call is about making our lives more difficult. It is going out of our way to be more generous and disciplined and love and free. It is refusing to escape and become numb to and check out of this broken, fractured world.

In this call we have to be completely honest, especially to friends. It's high demands, the cost are high, which is what is so appealing about Jesus- his vision for lives takes everything we have. In John 6 Jesus gives a teaching that is so hard to swallow, everybody but a few leave Him. He is constantly trying to find out who really wants it. And so He keeps pushing and prodding and question and putting it out there until some leave and the ones who truly desire this life stay. You never find Him chasing after someone, forcing them, or trying to convince them that He is the way. He lets the people come to Him, He waits, He is patient.

This is what we are all dying for- something that demands we step up and become better, more focused people. Something that calls out the greatness that we hope is somewhere inside of us. We can't force the situation on anyone, we can't be impatient. We have to wait for God to call us to where He wants us to go, to what He wants us to do.

And these attacks, I know they will get heavier and harder to bear, but the thing is God has me in His hands and He protects me. So all I have to say is "Bring it on, because God will overcome any attack the enemy throws at me." God gets the glory for anything and everything I do, because He placed this call on my life. There is no other way for me to live. I can never go back to the way it was, because I now know the truth. I love every person that the enemy is using to attack me, I give them up to God, because He has all control. My life is His and whatever happens, I know God is and will always be, forever and ever with me.

In Christ...

His and yours


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Roots, Trees, and Jesus Christ

"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit" -Matthew 12:31.

Tree. I've been thinking of trees lately. Not like "save the earth" type tree thinking. But how am I like a tree. I've grown up on analogies. That's how I learned things, my dad would always explain things using analogies and I guess now that's how my mind works. So a tree. What do you think of when you hear tree? roots, dirt, trunk, branches, leaves, flowers, pine cones, and so on. There are a million different types of trees, just like their are millions upon millions of different types of people. Every tree has roots, just like every person has roots. The roots dig into the dirt, which is a foundation to grow upon. Roots can be anything, tradition someone grew up on, the Word of God and Jesus Christ, in this case it's the Word of God and Jesus Christ. and we plant the Word of God like a seed in our hearts so it grows and grows, it is our roots. Trunks are solid, and come in many different shapes and sizes, just like people. Now the trunk gets stronger from the roots, the roots gather the food source for the trunk. The Word of God is our root, our food source, and as we dig deeper into it and plant the seed we grow stronger, our trunk grows stronger. We are tougher, harder to break, and fall over when the wind blows hard. Now out of the trunk comes the branches. The branches spread like arms, they reach out and touch other trees around them, they can hold and support things. Our arms are our branches. They are strong, they are their to hold and support people. We reach out as God shows us to, to pray for, hold, and support our fellow "trees". and last but not least the flowers, or leaves. It's what draws people in. If a tree is radiant people are going to want to look at it. I'm not talking about beauty, because beauty if fleeting. I'm talking about what comes all the way from the roots and into those flowers and leaves. The food source. The Word of God, Jesus Christ. You see those flowers are so radiant because of their food source, if they had no food source they would shrivel up and die, they would be nothing. And that is exactly what we are looking at. We thrive on our food source, The Bible and Jesus Christ. If you have Jesus as your root, you will radiate everything about Him, you live the way He lived, you see the way He sees, and so on. And people begin to see that. As your roots grow deeper in the Lord, radiate His love and His life and people will notice.

A tree is recognized by its fruit, its flowers, its leaves, but a tree cannot have good fruit or leaves or flowers if the roots are poisoned by the food it eats. And the trunk cannot grow or be strong with poisoned roots. Or the whole tree will become poisoned and will fall.

Just like a tree we need good roots established in our hearts. This is Jesus, and the Bible. Everything we need on how to build a foundation in and on our Rock, Jesus Christ is found in the Bible. When we put our roots into the Bible and suck out every possible thing we can it becomes our food, our life source. When we have Jesus in our hearts, He becomes our life source, for without Him we have nothing but poison in our blood streams. Our roots are empty and our foundation is poisoned. We will not grow, we will stunt and fall just like a tree. Our fruit will become ugly because Jesus makes us beautiful.

I feel like I'm talking in circles, but what I guess I'm trying to say is without a foundation in Jesus Christ our lives are bound to become a hollowed out tree, dying from the inside out. We need to realize what we are putting our roots into. In this case what we are opening our hearts up to. Whether it be movies, music, people, books, facebook, or the internet. Because when we open our hearts up and these things begin to consume us, even a little, we are opening it up to even a little bit of poison. Yeah I know, sounds very stuffy right, I mean it's only a pg 13 movie there's no nudity just a little cussing, and sexual innuendos. You've got to be kidding me really. I know, and I'm still discerning on what is good and not good. In this day and age it's so hard to shut out movies and music because that is how people socialize. But even a little opening, is an opening for the enemy.

I don't listen to the radio in my car or anywhere else. I have one set list on my Ipod I am always listening to, I don't know what any of the new hip music is, and so I don't sing-a-long when it comes on, like everyone else. It makes me strange, but I listen to the lyrics, which many people don't. They don't realize what they are singing. I guess I'm becoming one of those stuffy people who believe everything can be evil... haha no I don't believe that. I find the good in everything, well if there is good to be found. I truly don't remember where I was going with this, but I hope it kind of helped something or another, if not I know it helped me to get my thoughts out.

I guess the thing we need to do is take a step back and look at the things that consume our lives, are they good for us, bad for us, and what can we do to become better rooted in Christ and His word. Maybe it's giving these things up for even ten minutes of prayer. Maybe it's actually speaking out about God. Maybe it's something only you know you can do or need. But God knows, He wants us to grow deeper, to become more rooted in His truth, because without it, we will continue to believe the lies of this world. Encouragement: Open your Bible, Dig Deeper into the Word, Pour over it, Mediate on it. And Let God speak to you about it. It's one of the best food for our hungry hearts.

"My son pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" - Proverbs 4:20-23.

In Christ's overwhelming love,

His and yours,


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Weak Love...

"My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. Awake, my soul!" - Psalm 57:7-8.

My Jesus, is SOOOOOOO AMAZING! I cannot fathom this love He has over me. <3

Friday night, I was suppose to be writing a final essay exam and studying for finals, well I decided to skip all the stressed of homework and finals week and just close my dorm room door turn on the awakening service down at the house of prayer and just sit at the feet of my Lord for four and a half hours. I intentionally planned on just praying for an hour, but the Spirit led me in different directions and then on the awakening stream they were talking about shame and something just kind of kicked me in my heart. I have shame, a heavy amount. I walk around all the time praising my Jesus, and yet I still find myself telling myself that I am not worthy of Him or the people He places around me. It was the strangest feeling I thought I had gotten rid of all those feelings. But really Jesus is never done.

So as I am sitting at my desk with the lights off, I am totally filled with the Holy Spirit, I couldn't stop laughing, earlier in last week I wrote about how I was feeling empty and I hadn't heard the Lord in a long time. Well Friday night I was just filled with the joy of the Lord. I haven't laughed at the Lord's feet in a long time. But I just kept saying, I am not enough, I am not worthy, I am nothing, Why would You, Lord of all, want me? I am weak and broken and empty and worthless. Why? And through the tears of joy and the laughing pains in my stomach, I heard His voice whisper to me "Your weak love is enough, Your weak love is enough" and I was brought to my knees before Him.

My weak love is enough? My weak love is enough for the Lord of lords and King of kings, maker of heaven and earth. How crazy is that! He wants to fill us with His love, He wants to pour out an abundance of His love over us and we want it, but we are shielding ourselves from receiving it. Because we think we are not enough. But He says "You are enough, My Child your weak love is enough!" We are made in His image, out of every creature we are the ones that get a chance to have a covenant with our Lord. No other creature, demon, angel, animal, and so on have that chance. He LOVES US!

Lucifer, one of God's own angels rebelled and took even more angels with him, down to the depths of hell, but God, He doesn't want angels, He wants us, His own creation. He calls us Hephzibah, "my delight is in her" He delights in us, He wants to give us the desires of our hearts and even more. He has a plan for every single one of us. And all He asks of us is to love Him, with are weak, broken hearts. Because He takes us as we are and restores us, changes us. Because He loves us.

Love. it's a word that has been degraded in our culture today. We as people are afraid to love, that is why when Christ asks us for our love we panic, we think, "If I give my heart and all my love to Him, He will end up hurting me" This thought and any other thought like this are lies from the enemy. The enemy who is prowling around like a roaring lion waiting and looking for someone to devour. The devil sees that we are frighten by love and he uses this to draw us away from our Lord. But Jesus wants you to know that "Your weak love is enough" you need nothing else, just love.

No friendship with this world, boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage, job, friends, money, sex, porn, drugs, alcohol, looks, and anything else can fill us up, can satisfy us. Can give us the love we need like Jesus can. He has a jealous love over us, His people, He is passionately pursuing us, even right now as you are sinning, He wants you to come to Him to give Him your weak love, because He delights in you.

"You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and His way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "He's a fiercely jealous lover." And what He gives in love is far better than anything else you will find." -James 4:4-5 (the message)

He loves you and He is telling you "Your weak love is enough" Surrender to Him, give Him your life, your heart, your love. He delights in you, He has a jealous love over you. He died for us, because He loved us, and we were to weak to come out of the crowd and love Him, we denied Him, we still are. Let Him have your weak love, because He says it is enough.

In Christ's strong and abundant love,

His and yours,