Am I worthy enough, what if I mess up, what if I lose everything I have, what if it changes me, what if, what if, what if?...
These past couple months have been a whirlwind of craziness. Seriously from graduating college, to becoming somewhat immobile at home, to in a month flying to Tanzania, and then everything in between, many times I felt like I was thrown into the headwind just waiting for someone to catch me. It's crazy all the opportunities I have been given in being called out to move and to serve God and His people. Through talking on the phone with friends, or with people at church it seems that in every moment God is calling me out.
This weekend I get the amazing opportunity to work at a high school retreat, the same high school retreat where God flipped my life upside down. I get to lead a table of teenage girls as well as give a talk about prayer. And in thinking about this the overwhelming feelings come back. "God am I worthy to lead these girls, am I worthy to talk about prayer?" And I've notice that in almost every moment God has called me I stop and question it. Why do I do this? Why do I ask so many questions? Why don't I just jump head first into what He is asking me to do. Not saying that asking questions is bad, but it seems that sometimes the questions slow me down or sometimes even stop me from being called out. And in questioning I miss out on so many things that God has planned for me. And that has really started to bug me.
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light" [1 Peter 2:9]. I read this the other day and got to thinking. Wow, we are chosen, royal, holy, we belong to God, and because of this we are called out to declare His praises, His name, to serve Him and His people; for we are no longer in the dark, blind to the needs of others, but He has brought us into His light so that we may see what He sees. And in that we should have courage, we should have strength, we should have no doubt in our minds that when God calls us out, He is calling us for a reason, for a purpose. He doesn't need us for anything, and yet He wants us. So why do we question?
To be honest I can't tell you, everyone's reasons are different, everyone's questions are different. Each one of us is called to a different thing, to different people, and to different places, and in each calling I think there will always be questions, and that's okay, but don't ever let your questions stop you or slow you down from going and doing what God has called you to do. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" [Romans 8:28]. His purpose is greater than our own, He leads us where He needs us, and there can be no greater call than that.
Sometimes where we are called isn't where we thought or where we wanted, but it doesn't make it any less important, because where we are called is where God wants us to be. It's where the gifts and talents that God has given us can be used and refined for His glory and not for our own selfish desires. Whether it be going or staying in school when your hearts in missions. Or leaving friends and family when you want to stay near to them. Or even doing missions in a country that was never on your radar to begin with. In each moment and in each calling there is something there, something important, something that God will use to teach you and remind you that He is in control and that everything He does is because He loves you and wants you to learn from Him.
It's amazing to me to be called out by Him, through youth ministry here in the states all the way to youth and women's ministry in Tanzania. God's calling exceeds all limits that we try to place it into. In any given moment we can be called out. At the least expected time God will drop the calling into our laps. It's our choice to sit there and stare at it, question it, wonder about it, and never move. Or get up and walk that narrow road.
That's the coolest part about this life with the Lord. and I know i've said this a million times. But that He gives us the choice, the chance to choose what to do, it's amazing. Even though He knows what we will do He gives us choices. It's so amazing. He is so amazing. So unfathomable, I can't wrap my mind around Him. But that's okay, I love His surprises anyways.
Being called out is scary, I'm not going to lie. No matter what it is, there will always be unknowns and fears that will try to tangle us up and slow us down, but always remember that God would not have called you if He thought you couldn't handle it. He's always there, through it all. He carries us, He leads us and all we need to do is trust and follow Him.
It sound easier than it is, but following after Him, I've never regretted, it's been the most crazy, roller-coaster, adventurous time of my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. His love, His grace, His calling is perfect, is amazing and for me to be even a small part of further His Kingdom. Well, I couldn't think of anything else I would rather do with my life.
Being Called Out.
HIS and yours,
Cami
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