I love to talk. Ask anyone that knows me. Talking is one of my favorite things to do. I love deep conversations, I love meeting new people, I love hearing stories and telling stories, and making people laugh. And all things that involve talking. But lately I've realized that maybe I talk to much. You see I haven't been able to talk for about a week now. Mostly by choice, it takes a lot of effort to get few words out and it's extremely painful. Who would of thought a simple procedure like getting ones tonsils removed could cause so much pain... or thinking.
So as I have literally laid around on my couch and done nothing this past week, I've had plenty of time to think. Plenty of time to stare at the ceiling and just listen. And in listening I've learned a few things. I could listen a bit more. I've been working on this talk to give at a high school retreat over labor day weekend. It's on Communication through Prayer and as I laid on my couch today half asleep just listening to the breeze blowing through the trees, my dog snoring at my feet, the ceiling fan rotating, I realized that there is more to communicating than just talking. I know you're thinking, duh Cami, you should already know this, aren't you a college graduate? Yes, Yes I know, but hear me out for a moment.
How much of our time goes into talking? Literally, how many times do we sit in a conversation and instead of Listening with the intent to hear, we listen with the intent to answer. I am so guilty of this when I'm talking with a person I usually sit and try to come up with some witty or appealing to reply, but in reality sometimes the best reply is silence. Sometimes the best answer is nothing right away, nothing but letting them know you're listening. That is what prayer and communication is really about and I haven't realized that until now. Now when I can't speak.
Thinking about it, God always listens with the intent to hear, but He also listens with the intent to answer. I think as humans it's difficult to do both things at once, but we're talking about God here. The Master of all Universe, the Creator of the skies and you and me. He can do anything. But when it comes to my prayer life, God is more of a listener to hear. He hears me and hears me and hears me. I know He does because I talk to Him all the time. Out of joy, out of anger, out of tears, out of frustration. He's heard every octave that my voice can be at, and yet he still listens. He answers when He is ready and the timing is right. Not when I'm ready and my timing is right. He knows when I need what I'm asking for and when I don't. He has the plans, He knows where I go.
But the truth is do I listen to hear from God as often as He does to me. Probably not. When things don't seem to be going the right way I plug my ears and run away angry and frustrated. But I've learned to take my fingers out of my ears and listen because sometimes God is trying to teach me things in the silence. As I have been preparing for Tanzania, silence has been a regular thing, communication is hard, especially when it's new territory and i don't know what questions to ask or things to do. Then I feel like I'm asking to many questions and worrying to much. But through the silence God has taught me to be more faithful. through miscommunications and non communications God has taught me to be faithful to where He has called me. To not back away when certain things aren't in the right order. Because this is life and nothing is ever in the right order. The only thing to do is to have faith and trust in Him.
And in doing so I've been able to have the desires of my heart fulfilled. To be able to serve Orphans and Widows and anyone else I come into contact with in Tanzania. to be blessed with a host family, who is ready to love me and take me in as their own. to be blessed with a training staff who cares enough to get to know me, to answer all my silly questions, to offer guidance and prayer over the phone. And to supportive friends and family, who will watch me leave home, but keep me in their hearts. God is so faithful even when I don't care to listen, even when I don't care to see. He's always hearing me and always answering. I guess sometimes it's easier for me to listen when I cannot speak. But God is always teaching us something, and that's something I've needed to learn. When to speak and when to be silent. God is good, all the time because that is His nature!
Through it all, though right now while all my friends are moving into college or jobs and I'm just hanging out on my couch trying to learn Swahili and fundraise, God is faithful, God is providing, God is paving my road to Tanzania and I trust Him, with all my heart.
Listening with open ears,
HIS and yours,
Cami
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