"The Lord in heaven is stronger than the noise of great waters, yes, He is stronger than the great waves of the sea." -Psalm 93:4.
I am now down to 4 days before I graduate college and leave this campus that I have been a part of for the past four years. I don' know what else to do, I feel happy yet sad, anxious yet excited. Tossed back and forth, back and forth like the waves. And I guess when there's nothing left to do. I guess I should just remember. Remember and thank God for these memories that I will take with me. And as I sit here and remember I feel the calming of the raging sea inside of me in the form of more tears finding their way down my cheeks.
The past three hours I have spent writing letters. Goodbye letters, letters to let people know how much God has used them to bless my life. It's weird, I know I could tell them to their face, but I find that when I am face to face with someone I have a hard time finding words to say, it seems to go much better with a pen and paper in my hand. I didn't think I would have such a rush of emotions writing these letters. Letters to friends I've had all four years of college, for a few years and friends God has just placed in my life. Each of them have been a light in my life, a specific blessing from God and the perfect time when I needed them. Seriously I am the worst of these and yet God continues to bless my life with amazing people.
The waves are rushing over me in tears now and I feel like I've cried enough for the rest of my life in these past couple days, but I have a feeling I'm going to be that person at graduation. I'm not crying because of sadness, I'm crying over the joy have for God giving me a chance to know these people and letting me be a small part in their lives. God is so amazing, He uses people in such amazing ways, and as I have learned to open my eyes to His people around me, I've seen more of Him than I ever thought possible.
In no way am I ready to leave these people, in no way do I feel like I am prepared for what's ahead of me. As Hudson Taylor once said "God isn't looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him." And I think that applies not only to me, but to those people I am leaving behind. That even though friendships may be lost and people grow apart, I will always hold onto the way God used each person to bless my life, to change my way of thinking, to make me laugh, cry, get upset, to grow. People are not bad. they'll disappoint us, leave us out, make us feel lonely, and yet I try always, always to see the good in people, even when they only allow themselves to see the bad in me.
Yes everyone has darkness inside of them! It's why we all need Jesus so badly, but if we continually choose to look at the darkness, we blot the light out of that person and they choose to give into that darkness. We must look past the mistakes, the hair, the clothes, the face, the body, and look at the heart, the goodness of that heart, a heart that God made, and then you will see how glorious God is and how He works in and through people.
I've seen this with my own two eyes here at Northwestern with the friends I have and those who have moved on and graduated. God opened my eyes to men and women who love God and always were willing to look past my failures and struggles to love me as well. And I love them for that. and I love God for that.
This is tough. But I must move on. I know that I've been convincing myself and praying about it for weeks. No matter how weak and feeble I feel I must go, we all must go. Don't let the tears and the sadness and the fear and the things that are tough hold you back from moving. "God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on Him" -Hudson Taylor.
So lean on Him, He'll carry us.
Leaning on Him,
HIS and yours,
Cami
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