Saturday, January 23, 2010

I can't...

I can't God, I can't. That's what I keep telling Him today.

I just came from a dance. which I don't know why I went, probably because I want to be more sociable, I need to be to reach out to people, you know, no longer be silent. but I'm not the same person anymore, those dances aren't enjoyable. Music that is in no way good, or glorifying to God. And no matter how much I try to have fun or rather act like I am having fun I can't because in the back of my mind theirs a voice saying Cami, how can you use this to reach out to people. and I have no answer. And in front of my eyes and all around me people are grinding on other people. And then I am like God what do I do, I can't handle this. nothing is the same anymore. I want to be in Alaska so bad serving God, I want to be anywhere serving God. And then I question my motives. God I don't know what I'm doing here, please show me what I'm doing here. There's couples all around me once again and I see no guy that is worthy of my love, and then I think will their ever be. And I just get so frustrated because I get back to school and I'm stuck because it's so easy to fall back into routine and be the old Cami. BUT I DON'T WANT TO! I REFUSE TO. I just want to sit and pray and sit and pray, but I need to get out there and reach reach reach, I need to share Jesus. I have a burning passion to share Jesus. and I have no help on the outside, I only have Jesus, and He is everywhere. I feel like I don't belong and it wears me down, but Jesus didn't belong. Jesus teach me how to be more like You. Strong, Kind, Courageous.

I am asking God what do I do? But all I am getting right now is SILENCE. So I guess that means He wants me to be patient.



I'm really thinking about it.


His and yours


Cami

1 comment:

  1. dear cami, you can you can you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you :) i am praying for the joy of the Lord to be your strength! if you abide in Him, then He will abide in you!!!! wait on the Lord and His timing for things! check out Isaiah 40:29-31 :)) love you so much cam!!!

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