A quote from Elizabeth Elliot comes to mind:
"'You get what you pay for.' These were the words of the Lord to me, for His hand was strong upon me; and He warned me not to follow the ways of these people: You shall not say 'too hard' of everything that these people call hard; you shall neither dread nor fear that which they fear. It is the Lord whom you must count 'hard,' He it is whom you must fear and dread."
I've been asking for weakness, well "I get what I pay for." Jesus has broken me down so much and I've never felt so wonderful! I've been feeling such silence upon my heart for about a week and half now and it was silence that began to drag on my soul. And it bothered me. It was a kind of waiting which hears no voice, no footstep, see no sign. I began to be restless, but not restless in the Lord, restless in the world. I began to let my own will be given place to God's will and in this I let my own voice override Gods. And I began to let all these "causes" all these "things" that I had to do, override what God was wanting me to do. But God always intervenes, He always knows the right time to come in. We are always held in the love of God. No matter how far we stray He loves us. We are never wholly at the mercy of these worldly, other people - they are only "causes" and no matter how many causes seem to be in control of what we are doing and what is happening to us, it is God who is in charge. Always.
He broke me. Hard. And it hurt, but it was a good hurting. The kind of hurt you get after working out and your muscles are aching. It felt so good to be broken, because I knew that God was giving me what I was asking for. To be broken so that He would be my strength. It's crazy right? To ask to be broken, to be weak. Who in their right mind would want to be weak? Me, that's who. Because when I am weak I am truly reminded that this life is not mine to try and control, that this life is God's and He freely gave it to me. I am reminded that I can only live this life for God and no one, I mean no one else, not even for myself (which is the worst way to live a life). This life, it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of - if we want to find our true selves, if we want real life, if our hearts are set on glory, His glory. We will let this life go, this life and the world. "... if any man will let himself be lost for My sake, he will find his true self."
And yet though we may say "I give it all up God, it's Yours, this life is Yours. I no longer want it." We continue to question His motives for us, His plan.
In Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity, she says this:
"When will we find it?" We ask, the answer is "Trust Me my child."
"How will we find it?" again the answer is "Trust Me."
Why must I let myself be lost?" we persist. again the answer is, "Never mind child Look to the sky and Trust Me."
I can't explain what God has done and is continuing to do in my life. And though I will admit I am slightly afraid, God has everything in His hands and I Trust Him. Always. I leave you with this:
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, For when I am weak; then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Are you willing to be broken, to be weak?
Just think about it
His and yours
Cami
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