I've been waiting for something amazingly witty and bright and inspiring to pop into my head. And yet here I sit at almost 2 in the morning and my mind is an empty blank page. It looks a lot like the book I am writing right now. Blank. I am trying to type as quietly as possible so as to not wake my roommate, and yet I feel I need to write. to type. to do something rather than sleep.
I was quite nervous tonight. Not for any particular reason, no I just get nervous sometimes. I went to a movie with some of my friends, it was good and I enjoyed myself, it's easy to be my crazy self with them, to let my hair down so to speak. Then we went bowling, little did I know the MASS of people that were going to be there. I hate crowds. It's one thing that scares me, I get nervous and antsy around a lot of people. I sometimes become really tight and silent because loads and loads of people just scare me period. I bite my lip when I get nervous, so after the first 30 minutes or so my lip was cracked and about to bleed.
And then I realized this is it. This is where I am suppose to be right now in that moment and though I didn't let my hair down completely I was myself in a non crazy way and I did socialize. I was so consumed with my nervousness that I was no longer content, I forgot that I had amazing friends all around me and I had a chance to meet new people and impact them as well. "be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." In the midst of my "suffering" or my nervousness, I realized that Paul always said rejoice in your sufferings do not be nervous or afraid of them, but rejoice for the Lord is with you all of your days.
So I laughed, I bowled (a horrible game), I truly enjoyed myself. It's been awhile since I went out with people, I'm more of a one-on-one, quiet type of girl. But God's pushing me out of my comfort zone, and I can't say I like it when He is continually pushing, but once I am out and experience the wonderful things He wants me to experience, and do all the things He needs me to do. When I step back inside my bubble, my comfort zone it feels so good, that I am ready to step out again. Reluctant, but ready. My place of comfort is in the silence of my dorm room with my Bible, my Journal, and occasionally my Ipod. It is definitely not a crowded, music blaring, pins shaking, balls rolling bowling alley. But tonight it kind of was. And Jesus kept saying. "That's right Cami, scoot a little closer to the edge, I know you're not going to love the jump, but you will love the places where you land. The places I have chosen for you."
It's true, as I begin to jump more I ask myself why I never did before. Jesus as lead me to such a place in my life, that is scary but so rewarding. He is truly preparing me for my missions in Alaska this summer. I can't wait to see our next adventure. Tune in for the adventures of Jesus and His partner Cami, haha. ;) I know where ever it is I will ignore all the voices, all the negativity, everything and just jump. And where ever I land, I know I will be following Him. No matter what He is the only reason to jump.
"Follow Jesus into the desert. A thousand and one voices will scream telling you not to. Ignore them. Heed him. Quit your work. Contemplate his. Accept your Maker's invitation: 'Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest awhile' (Mark 6:31)"
-Max Lucado
Are you ready to jump? Don't be afraid any longer, free fall into the beautiful Unknown that is our Lord, Jesus Christ. Jump :)
Just think about it.
His and yours
Cami
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