Waiting on the Cliffs of Insanity

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. 

I feel as if that one word could define my time so far in Africa. Waiting.

A part of me feels like Indigo Montoya, in The Princess Bride, when Wesely says "I'm afraid you'll just have to wait." as he is climbing the cliff and Indigo's response is "I hate waiting." That is how I feel, I'm asking God all these questions, pacing back and forth, waiting impatiently for God's plan to come climbing over the cliffs of insanity and He's saying, "Cami, I'm afraid you'll just have to wait." and my reply… "I hate waiting." 

No matter how many words and promises and ropes I throw over the edge He continues to tell me "to wait, to be patient, because is plan is worth not rushing up that cliff." So I wait and pace. I'd like to say that patience has become a goof attribute in me in all this waiting, but honestly I've become more impatient than ever. And I see that and He sees that.

"God, God how long must I wait?" I cry out to Him and sometimes there is silence, and sometimes I hear His still small voice "Trust me child, Trust me dear one." And when I really sit down and think about it no matter how impatient I am or get, I would rather be waiting in God's perfect plan, then working outside of it, then running in the opposite direction just to feel as if I am doing something. 

Yes there are days I want to quit, actually almost everyday, there is no sugar coating this. I am a selfish human being, there days I say "Thanks God but no way, just let me go home." I am weak, so so weak, I know that. and Every single day it's a struggle between flesh and spirit. Flesh calling out at me "Look all your friends at home have forgotten you, you can't do this, you are worth nothing, why would God want to use you. You are helping no one." And my spirit is doing everything it can, in reminding me that my flesh is selfish, that I am selfish, that this is not about me or anyone else. This is about God. this is Kingdom work, not cami work. 

This is His desire for my life. He's prepared me for this journey, from many previous journeys. And in this journey and in this desire, it will come with waiting, it will come with sacrifice, it will come with realizing that life moves on even when I am on the other side of world. realizing that yes, people will forget about me, people you say that will stay in touch will not, and it will come with mountains of struggles. But it will also come with a growth in Christ, a growth in my spirit and my heart, in knowing that in this glory is coming to Christ. It will come with genuine people supporting me, praying for me and loving me despite the distance. 

Yes right now I am impatient, I'm ready to get going to see all the many things God has in this journey, in this season of my life. But in the waiting He has blessed me with getting to know my ministry partner better, and the missionary family we will now be working with better. To connect and grow in the waiting and the resting. Things I wouldn't have been able to do if I had just jumped in right away. So I guess the conclusion is to just wait and see, to pray a ton for patience. 

In the end I know it's all worth the wait. I know that God will grow me and stretch me. And while I wait I'll practice my sword fighting, because I know that when His plan comes climbing over that cliff so will the enemy. In the waiting, I will prepare. 

Impatiently, trying to be patiently Waiting,

  HIS and yours,

    Cami