"For godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and we can take nothing out of it." -1 Timothy 6:6-7.
Two months! I can't believe it's already been two months that I have been here in Africa. And though it has been 2 months a part of me feels as if I've hardly done anything. That I've hardly served, hardly given anything. There are times I sit here and say "God have I done enough? have I given enough?" and than I hear His still small voice whisper to me. "It's not how much you give, child, but how much love you put into giving."
I'm saying, of course I love people, of course I love serving. But is it true? Is this love welling up from the depths of my soul and onto others? Am I really loving, or just saying that I am. And It's not just the love I give the Gabbra people, but the love I give my ministry partner when moments get frustrating. It's the love I give the missionaries and their kids. It's the love I give people at home, who are 8000 miles away. It's the love I give complete strangers that pass me by everyday. And I have realized that I keep to much to myself. I keep love to myself thinking that I need to save so much love for a great person, for a great moment. But God is telling me that each moment is great no matter how small, that each person is great, no matter how unloveable. That I've come into this world with nothing and can take nothing from it, so why must I continue to hold onto to things He has blessed me with to give away. So I must give it away.
I think we are conditioned to think that out lives revolve around great moments. That we feel as if we don't do anything, or nothing happens unless it's something great. But great moments often catch us unaware beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. The smile of a stranger. The whispered hello from a shy child. Sitting in the kitchen cutting potatoes and singing worship songs. Laughter. Before coming here these moments would have seem meaningless and not important, but in reality, these are my greatest moments, the smallest. Our God is great, but even He is in the smallest things. I've realized that the moment, the action does not have to be great, because God is still moving in it, no matter how small.
We tend to believe that our lives our measured by these great moments, by how much we can accumulate, we measure our lives by things. But the measure of our lives will not be in what we accumulate, but in what we give away. What we give away in each moment, the big ones and the small ones. Because we came into this world a blank slate, came into this world with nothing, and when we leave we will take nothing with us. So why do we continue to grip tight onto things that don't need to be held onto? Material possessions, addictions, and so on. Let go, let go of the things that seem to keep you from Him, keep you from those great and small moments. Stop holding out for something great and jump into something small, into the God moments and I guarantee that small thing will become one of the greatest moments in your life, because God works through it.
Many times I say to myself, "okay, God I am here, but I don't see anything happening." I find myself waiting for something huge to happen, but He reminds me to stop looking for that one big moment and look at the small things. He reminds me that, just like my faith, even though I can't see something happening does not mean that it isn't there, that He isn't there, moving. I need to stop looking through my own eyes and look through HIS. I need to let go of the things I keep trying to take with me and give them to God, and as I do this I realize I can move a bit faster and stand a little taller. I don't feel as heavy or loaded down, trying to hold onto things that I'm suppose to give away.
So this is the time, I cut the strings of the things I've tied to myself to keep and I let them float away. It's time to live in those small moments, because this is the place where I am supposed to be, supposed to follow Jesus, obey HIM, and make my best effort with His help to let go of those things and care and love people unconditionally. To love each person that He places in front of me, even in the smallest moments.
Living in the small moments,
HIS and yours,
Cami
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