To be comfortable in my own skin. To see and to love myself the way God loves me. It's something I have been struggling with, something I have been striving for. It's hard and I constantly ask God why I look the way I do. Everyone around me is so much prettier, so much skinnier, has a boyfriend or something along those lines. It seems that every girl I pass is tiny, my roommates, the girls in my class, in church, on T.V. It's always in my face, that I am not an average sized girl, it's pointed out to me constantly and the only thing I can think to do is stop. Stop eating, stop looking in mirrors. I'm afraid of what this world is telling me that it's voice is slowly getting louder than the whispers of my Lord, "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Songs 4:7. He see's no flaws when I see many. This earth has continually distorts my vision of who I am supposed to be. God's daughter, loving who I am and how He has made me.
Wow, it's crazy to look back on where I was almost a year ago. I know I have changed a lot since last September. I love who I am, and yes I times I still struggle with how I look and comparing myself with others, but I have learned to listen to the little whispers of God rather than listening to the ridicule and shouts from this world. It is hard living in a society where woman are told to look a certain way. i have to say being in Uganda really change my perspective on how I look. I don't know how many times I was told I was beautiful and how healthy I looked. I'd never heard from any other person besides my father tell me that Iw as beautiful, it touched my heart. Especially coming from a high school and a college where looks are something that is extremely important and Gorgeousness according to the world's definition is not what I have. It's been told to me bluntly and not so bluntly that I am not really that pretty, actually I could use a little more make-up and a little less food.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I was ashamed of myself, constantly trying to eat less, run more, wearing baggy clothes so people wouldn't notice that I wasn't as small as my friends. But I'm not that person any more. I love who I am. Every pound, every pimple, every freckle, ever frizzy hair, white legs, big feet. God made me into this person, and who am I to say that I am worthless when He finds great worth in me. When I ridicule not only myself but others I am bashing God and His creation. And Who am I but a puny girl with nothing great to offer God.
I've learned in life that God makes each one of us the way we are for a purpose and we can either sit around and complain about what we don't have or get up and use what we do to Further His Kingdom. I constantly hear woman say i'd like myself more if I looked like this or I had that blah blah blah. And I just want to say "Open your eyes and see how beautiful God has made you!"
but no one really wants to listen to someone this world believes to be average, ordinary plane jane.
But there is Someone higher that this world, higher than the heavens who hears my voice and calls me Beloved, Tirzah, BEAUTIFUL. and for me that's the Person that I want to please, the Person who has my heart. the Person who truly knows me, because He created me. The One and Only Person who matters to me. Everyone else and their opinions of who I am and what I'm suppose to look like can't, won't and no longer affect me. Because My God is higher, is better, and has my Heart.
All I need is Him. I don't need the perfect face, perfect body, make-up, nice clothes, a man, pretty friends, shoes, or whatever else this world says. I don't want this world. I want the ONE who made the world.
I love Him and He loves me. What more could I ask for. For a Heavenly Man whose love has no bounds.
He's all I need, all I want, all I am. Forevermore.
Loving on Jesus,
HIS and yours,
Cami
Embrace:
This poetry is my own twisted symphony
Afraid of who I was, crippled and broken
The simplest notion translates to a tragedy
This unfair heart is reaching out, unspoken
Love me, take me, mold me, and shape me
Into the mystery of who you are
If only I could escape this debris
And I need you more than I need this world
Lord, catch me when I run to you
Forever in your embrace, this my soul will take.
Because without you I am nothing
You love me despite my failure and discomposure
You love this girl of little faith- turn her into something.
Forever I am yours forever you are mine
Let our hearts collide, because without you
These waves will drown me out.
by: Kara Johnson
No comments:
Post a Comment