Ruth.
In Hebrew the name Ruth means
companion, or friend, or a vision of beauty.
Ruth.
A
name that’s been floating around in my head a lot lately, a lot more than
usual, and I just can’t seem to shake this name, to shake her face from the
images in my mind. And I’m wondering where she is right now? What she is doing?
Is she gardening with the other widows? Is she taking care of her many
children? Is she picking mangos and placing them into hands of complete
strangers, the way she did with me? Is she even still alive? Or is she up in
heaven, dancing on golden streets with Jesus? These question plague me, because
deep down I know I may never know the answers.
In
these moments and small memories, I’m seeing how much this little old widow
impacted my life. In the very limited time I spent with her, she allowed me to
see myself in a different light, in a loving light. She looked at me like I was
wanted, like I was needed. Me, a complete stranger. She made me feel at home in
the palm of her hands. Her rough hands holding tightly to mine, dragging me
along a path to a garden and to houses and to mango trees. All the while
chatting away in a language I yearned to understand. And I remember her
uttering a singe phrase and clinging tightly to my hand. I smiled at her and
nodded pretending like I understood. And the pastor we were with, turned and
said “Cami, do you understand what she just told you?” I laughed and said “No.”
And
the pastor looked between me and Ruth and smiled and said “She said ‘in you
daughter, I see the radiance of Christ.”
I
could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. In no way did I ever feel like I
was radiating Christ, I constantly felt dirty and grimy, like I was constantly
in the way. And yet even in those dirty, disgusting, selfish moments, God broke
through and shed his light onto the face of a widow.
And I just hope I’m still radiating.
I
hope that this bright light hasn’t burnt out in the whirlwind of this world and
of this life. That even if it has dulled, it’s still burning and shining
through in all my moments. That Christ is being radiated from my life.
Why
am I sharing this story?
Because
my heart hurts, it aches to know where Ruth is, how her health is, how her
children are, how her garden is? It yearns to ask these question, to hold the
worn hands of my companion, my friend, this vision of beauty in an otherwise
dim hard ugly moment of my life.
But
not only that. It’s because I think we often forget how much we can impact the
lives around us. It’s been two years and I still remember the words Ruth spoke
into my life. I still remember the feel of her overworked hands in my delicate
ones. I remember her laughter and her brown eyes, and the way her hair was
wrapped up in her conga. I can’t forget her.
Recently
in small groups we were talking about the Healing at Bethesda. And this got me
thinking a lot about how graceful Jesus is. Jesus sought out this crippled man
and asked him if he wanted to be healed and then healed him. He spoke words
into his life that caused this man to pick up his mat and walk. Was this man
worthy of healing, no not really. He turned around and betrayed Jesus, like
Judas, to the Jewish leaders. And yet look at HIS grace. He heals him anyway,
evening knowing that this once crippled man will use this gift, this healing of
his legs to walk right to the leaders and tell them it was Jesus!
Jesus
seriously blows my mind!
You
see I started comparing this story to my own life. I was, am, and sometimes I
know will continue to be this invalid man by the pool, waiting for someone to
pick me up and take me where I need to go. That I am unworthy of the healing
being offered, because in my heart I know, just like the crippled man, that I
will betray Jesus again. And it hurts.
But
I’ve seen this story in John take root in my life. With Ruth. At the time of
meeting Ruth I was battling, I was sick of everything I was. And then words
were spoken into my life that caused healing in my heart and continue to heal
me every day since then. And I believe that Jesus reached through Ruth to me.
And How do you tell a woman 8000 miles away that Jesus has used her, continues
to use her. That in her I see the radiance of Christ. Every single day of my
life.
You
see like in John, the man couldn’t find anyone to lift him into the pool, and I
couldn’t find anyone to fulfill the emptiness I kept seeing in my
worthlessness. But Jesus, met the man where he was at, and Ruth grabbed my hand
and pulled me back to Christ all the way in Tanzania.
Because
even though the man had no way to get to Jesus. Jesus could get to him. And in
that time in my life and even now, there are days I just can’t seem to get
there. Can’t seem to reach Him. But even thought I can’t get to Jesus, He can
always, always get to me. He never fails, never gives up.
And
lately I’ve been feeling like I just don’t belong in this place. I feel
lonesome, not alone, just lonesome. And Jesus keeps reaching out and tugging me
along, reminding me what I’m here for, what my life is for.
I
was not made to live a luxurious life, to have the fancy cars and clothes and
money. I was made to walk barefoot on unknown roads, to meet people where they
are, just like Him. I was made to follow in His footsteps, to live a life set
apart.
And
it’s so not easy. The desires of this world often overtake me. I stress, I
panic, I anguish. And yet He is here walking with me. And I hear the words in
Sakuma in my head and then translated into English. “In you daughter I see the
radiance of Christ.”
I
just hope that I can continue to live out the words that Ruth saw. That I can
continue to meet people where they are and speak words of love, encouragement,
and Jesus into their lives. That regardless of how bad I think things are,
Jesus makes it better.
That I continue to stretch the
limits of my faith, knowing that Jesus is pulling me along, that I’m going to
be just fine and wherever He decides to take me and whoever He places in front
of me, I will reach out in love no matter what. I will be slow to anger and
abounding in love.
My hope is that this radiance that
Ruth saw, seeps into every motion and ever fiber of my being. That wherever
Ruth is, she will see this radiance in herself and others will see it to. We
never know how we impact the people around us, and we never know how the people
around impacts us.
But isn’t it such a beautiful story
when Jesus reaches down and meet us where we’re at.
Sitting in Awe of the Wonders of His
Love,
HIS and
yours,
Cami
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