There are so many things I wish to tell you. So many things I wish to say. I know you. I know you oh so well. I know your tender heart, and your mind-numbing thoughts, and your leaky soul of creativity. I know your longing for a deep kind of love, for something more than this world, for your passion and constant yearning to reach for people and grasp them tight and love them without reason. I know, because I am you; I'm you at 23.
And let me start by telling you one thing, one very important thing that you will tend to forget the next ten years of your life. You are without doubt loved beyond recognition, loved without bounds, loved unconditionally. "There is no Flaw in You" (Songs 4:7). Just take that bit of information and write it down on the edge of your heart. Scribble it across those walls you've built up to keep yourself safe. Because love is going to tear down those walls… God's beautiful love, and you'll never see it coming.
I know you're rolling your eyes at me right now. God, yeah right. Trust me, He's already been working in your life, since the day you were born. Stretching and working and molding the clay. you'll see and you'll never be the same, my beautiful soul, my beautiful sister, my beautiful self. Your harden heart is already being softened and molded. And that is a beautiful thing.
There are going to be times when you feel you give your love too easily to people… And there are going to be days you want to rip your heart right off your sleeve and tuck it deep within your pocket. To hide and protect it from curious eyes and judgmental fingers that stare and poke. Don't do it. Don't hide away your heart from the world. Don't tuck your hands in your pocket and shrug your shoulders like you don't care. Trust me little girl, God is calling you to much greater plans, much greater things, than what you can see in this moment.
The hands that touch and prod your heart are going to leave fingerprints for years and years to come. Hands from all over the country and all over the world. Hands of family, hands of friends, hands of First Nation children, Hands of Prisoners, Hands of Ugandans, Hands of Haitians, Hands of Germans, Hands of Kenyans, hands of Tanzanians, of orphans and widows and missionaries. Their hands, their faces, their names, you won't be able to forget and you won't ever want to. God is calling you to these people, to love recklessly. I know it's hard to understand, especially right now when all you can think about is surviving Physical Science and Algebra one.
And I know you've felt it. Those feelings that seem to get so big in your chest, like something is so beautiful it aches. You can feel it now, in these tough moments of high school. They are preparing you for what is to come. For the tough moments in College and traveling, and relationships. in ten years there will be two people, two strangers who are going to speak words that will move your heart, "There is a radiance in you that this world needs." God's radiance. The radiance of Christ.
In this moment, deep down I know your heart is yearning for something worldly, for that amazing man to come sweep you off your feet. My sweet girl, he is not coming. he will not be coming and in ten years he will have yet to show up at your doorstep. But trust one thing. Jesus. the One amazing Man who doesn't need to show up because He's already with you. You're yearning for that romantic worldly relationship is going to fade out. I know it's a miracle and hard to believe. But it is going to be overshadowed by your need for Jesus and your heart for serving Him and Him only. You, my dear will not be content to live a merely "normal" life or settle for any average existence. You are destined for so much more.
Cameron, You are brave and strong and fierce, and you are that way for a reason. You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love. You are sensitive, and opinionated, and sometimes quiet, something not everyone knows how to understand. You are reckless, and bold, and will constantly be moving, something that not everyone will know how to grasp onto. But God has so many amazing things planned for you in the next ten years.
Be patient, get out in the world and start doing, but wait on Him and only Him.
Remember, waiting is the great grace, a subtle sign for those with eyes to see, reminding us that there is work yet to be done-- not just around us, but in us. There is much work to be done in you, and at 23, there is much more work to be done. Waiting and patience will become your prayer, your necklace. God is working so much. It's hard to understand right now, but Trust in Him, it's easier said than done, step out from your fear and trample it beneath your feet and free fall into His amazing Grace and His Loving arms.
Don't lose your love or the fire in your belly. Don't lose your compassion, it hurts, especially when you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything, And you cannot turn away. Your big heart will make sense to you in years to come. And sometimes words just won't get you there… they won't let you say all the stuff from deep in your heart, stuff that no dictionary has a name for. But never stop writing. And never stop sharing His stories... This is one journey you are going to want to write down.
Continue to share your heart with people even if it's been broken. You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy. The heaviness is what you will ask for. The heaviness is what you need. It is your deep love for Christ and the burdens He has given you that will push you forward. Never let go of that. Never let go of Him.
Keep growing. Keep seeking.
Be Passionate, Be reckless. Be bold.
Love God, Love others.
I may be far away, but I will always be within reach. Always.
HIS,
You at 23.
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