Last Saturday I received an email from the organization I went to Africa with, seeking people to help out with a Kid's Program in Madagascar. I seriously peed my pants with excitement... Okay that was a little exaggerated. But I was super excited, anyone who knows me, knows that if you put Jesus, Africa, and kids in the same sentence I am so there. Or just Jesus and Africa... or Jesus and kids... I mean anything with Jesus is pretty awesome.
Okay back to the point.
So anyway I got the email and read it through maybe three times thinking finally, even if it's only for two weeks I can go back, love on some kids, and serve Him. But in the back of my mind I heard a voice. In the inner most part of my heart I felt a tug. Pray. Pray. Pray. So I emailed some friends asking them to pray for me and I did the same as well. The entire week.
"God give me clarity, this is Your decision, not mine. I desire to serve You, but I want it to be Your timing, not my own. I want it to be Your Africa, Your kids, Your heart, not my own. Show me the way, teach me Your way. Give me patience, all in your timing."
I went about my week working and went up to Northwestern and visited some wonderful friends up there. And Sunday night was their last Praise and Worship and the speaker's words hit me right in the face. He talked about Mary and Martha, and it was like he was talking about me to me. It was like God was there saying "Cami, Cami, look what I am teaching you, listen to what I am teaching you."
And I really had to sit back an evaluate myself and my heart and my service.
I love to serve. In all honesty that is what God created me to do. If someone called me up and asked me to do something for them, I am more than likely to say yes without hesitation. I love helping people. If God were like Cami go, I'd say yes, no matter where, when, or why.
But in this moment I asked myself a serious question. "Who am I not seeing because I am too busy serving?"
It was kind of a mind-blowing question. I mean obviously I am serving people so how can I be missing people. But I think it's the Martha in me. I get so caught up in making sure the serving gets done that I sometime forget to sit with the people and really listen.
When I look at it. When I am home I am a Martha, constantly looking for things to do to keep me busy, to serve people and their needs, that sometimes I don't see God calling me to His feet to sit and listen, calling me to His people to sit and listen. But when I am overseas I tend to get so caught up in listening and sitting that nothing ever gets done, especially when it needs to be. I guess I need a healthy balance of the two. But if I'm honest most days I'm a Martha.
Running around trying to make sure everything is getting done and forgetting that the one thing Christ asks of me is to sit and to listen to Him. To hear His heart and His words. and so this week when I got home it kind of just turned into a restful week. A lot of sitting alone and just trying to listen to what He is saying to me.
I think that in our culture it's easy to be a Martha. And there is nothing wrong with that. But there are times when people get so caught up in serving that they forget about who they are serving and why. That our culture believes that to be busy busy all the time is a good thing, that task-oriented is better than people-oriented.
And sometimes I wonder if the most radical thing Christ-followers can do in a loud, competitive culture is become better listeners.
Listeners not only to the people around them but to God as well. To be more like Mary and choose the thing that will never be taken away from her. To sit and Jesus's feet and soak in His presence, His love, and His words.
But to also remember that God has made us to be with other people. Sometimes, I know in my own life, and maybe in others, I tend to think well this person just called to talk but I want to do my devotions and then get to bed at this time, so maybe I will call them back some other time. I think some Christians have a habit of pulling the God card... okay, I mean I've heard about it being used when a guy breaks up with a girl or vice versa, saying that they've been putting God on the back burner, but I think that God designed us to be with other people at certain times.
It's kind of confusing. But there is a balance between Mary and Martha. Yes, in my life God will always come first, but He also calls me to love on the people around me, that means taking that phone call even if it interrupts my devotions, because it may be something important, it may be an opportunity to share His love, and if it's not extremely important most people understand when I tell them I spending time with my Best Friend.
So at this moment I am a lot of Martha and God is teaching me to be a Mary. He is telling me No to Madagascar, telling me to sit at His feet awhile longer. That He is moving and in His timing and only His timing will I go. To keep my eyes open to the people around me, to not get caught up in the task and also not to become lazy.
To see that He is placing amazing people in my life right now who encourage me in my faith, people I would have never met had I not spent that time at His feet in Kenya, when the decisions were on the balance. It blows my mind how He works in all things. And I typically don't see it until way after, but He never fails me. He never gives up on me. He's always there, always moving, always teaching me more and more.
So right now I've been spending a lot of time reading and just being. It's kind of nice... kind of weird... but kind of nice. I know that God's moving and I believe all in His perfect timing He will bring me back to His Africa, to His children, to His heart, to His service and I cannot wait until that day!
trying to mix my Martha with Mary and cuddling dogs,
HIS and yours,
Cami
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