I've slowly been realizing that my heart does not belong here. It is something that is hard to explain and it is not that I am invested in the people or the school or the family I have. I love them, but God has begun to overtake me, and I love Him so much more than any of these things. My heart does not belong with these people, with this places, but my heart belongs with God. I think the toughest thing is not the revelation of this, but the revelation that it is time to leave my place of comfort behind. God has blessed me with so many people, some I only knew for a short time and some I've known forever, and each one He has used to touch my life in a radical way. But He is calling me to a higher purpose, He is calling me to His heart, He is calling me to His Cave. He has called my name "My Beloved, Cami, come up here, come to me my Daughter." And now is the time to leave it all behind. To not consult my flesh, because I know it will scream at me to stay down, to be careful. But it is no longer time to be a careful, cautious women. It is time to take up a shield of courage and run head on into the army of the Philistine. Into this battle.
It is no longer time to find pleasures in this world. Even as I pray for my future, my career, my future husband, where my path leads. I know where ever I am going God will always be with me, while these people will fade away. He has shown me what He asks of me, and it seems like a lot. But what kind of follower of Christ, what kind of Lover of the King, what kind of Women of God would I be if i took that step back and looked to other men for the answers, instead of, without question ran to where my God is calling me. "Keep your eyes focused on Me daughter, and on no man" He calls me and it is time to stop ignoring Him. It's time to sing song of love for God deep down in my heart, to dance with no shame. David was the premier man when it came to this. He was a man after God's own heart. Today's men and women often shy away from singing songs of love. We shy away from dancing out of sheer delight. But David he sang and danced to the point of becoming undignified for his Beloved, the King. All too many of us shout when our favorite team scores, or cheer when our friends get engaged or get a significant other, but we are silent when our God triumphs, when our God calls on us.
NO MORE. no more SILENCE. He is calling. "Our Jesus has proven His valor, He has proven His great love, and here He stands with nail wounds in His hands and feet and an open spear wound in His side, saying, "Will you partake of Me? Will you come to Me and know Me? Will you rest your head where I rest Mine? Will you allow Me to make you likened unto Myself? Will you allow Me to make you mighty? Allow me to implant Myself inside of your believing heart.
He doesn't need men and women who merely esteem Him as great, but believer who are willing to be made great by His life. Jesus isn't look for men and women who merely agree with His gospel, but believers who are willing to flesh out and actually live His gospel in their daily lives" (Eric Ludy).
You see if your reputation is more important to you that you are unwilling to leave everything behind for Jesus, then you are unworthy to call yourself by His sacred name. If you allow your ambition, your intellect, your wealth, your abilities, your lusts, or your fears to restrain you from offering yourself wholly and completely to God, then you are unworthy to call yourself by His scared name.
The name of Jesus is too precious to be spent on those who degrade it with their attempts to integrate it with their selfish existence. The name of Jesus is for those who are unashamed of Him and for those who venture forth to join in fellowship with him with a burning heart. This radical commitment is not for those who believe that reading the bible once every couple months or talking about purity before marriage constitutes for a relationship with God. This commitment causes a complete shift in everything a person is. In personality, in talk, in action, in friendships.
It's hard, people won't understand, especially those who are close to you, family and especially friends, they won't understand and even if you try to explain they may look at you like you are the weirdest person on earth. But remember and realize that we are not made for this earth and we are not made for these people. We are made to dwell in heaven with our Lord, to worship Him with all of our existence and if that means leaving my friends behind. So be it. I will lay them at the foot of the cross and run without looking back. If that means giving up my desire to be married. So be it. I will lay that at the foot of the cross and run without looking back. If that means giving up my home and comforts to live with the orphans, the widowed, and the poor. So be it. I will lay my comforts at the foot of the cross and run without looking back. Because none of that can compare to the unfailing amount of love my Father in Heaven can give me. No friend, no Family, no Home, no Husband, could ever compare, could ever love me like my God. And that's just that. May I cast all worldly things aside, for my Father's Kingdom to be furthered here and forever more.
His and yours,
Cami
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson
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