Patience.

I have no patience.

Especially with myself.

The decisions that I have made and have yet to make are looming over me and I don't really know which way to go.
As of right now I am regretting the decision of coming back to school. It might just be because I am overloaded with classes and volunteer work and many other things, that I can't back out of, because that would be too much of a jerk move. Or it could be that I am no longer satisfied with this school and the people in it. I feel awful saying this but I feel it is just time to move on, get my life started. but I know part of that will be hard without finishing my college education. Which was the only reason I chose to come back. Not because I missed my friends or roommates, not because I was looking forward to learning or the professors and not because I wanted to get away from my family. No I came back so I could get my degree and get on with my life. I don't want to live in the past or in my college years forever I want to do something awesome with my life, something that glorifies the Father in Heaven and not my father on earth.

Yet I find myself impatient with everything right now. With class, with people. with friends, with the pansy men this campus produces. And especially with myself. Like last night, I made myself go to bed at 11:00 because I wanted to get up and spend time with God, well I couldn't fall asleep because my apartment was quite loud and I have a problem with shutting off my brain, so I ended up not falling asleep until 1:30 in the morning and then when my alarm went off at 7:30 i turned it off and rolled over and slept until 9:30 so i had a half hour to get ready for Chapel and no time for God. I mean what is my deal. How rude of me to put off God for sleep.

I don't know what I am doing right now besides just trying to survive school and interactions with people. I know what I need to do and it's seek God in the morning in the evening and all the time in between. Forget the newest TV shows and movies and what the next big thing is. I tell you what the big thing is. GOD. and it's me and Him, forever and ever and no one can get in the way of that and no one can tell me that what He has called me to is wrong. No friend, no parent, no sister, no guy, nobody. Because He is calling me and NOW is my time to LISTEN and never ever tune Him out!.


HIS and yours,


Cami