Why I am mad at Church.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I know scary. Me and thinking. I mean this morning I almost had a panic attack because I thought I had lost my Bible... and it was underneath my pillow the entire time. How it got there I don't know, but that is beside the point. The point is I've been thinking. Thinking about people and places and buildings and it all lead to the Church. And just how frustrated I have been with it. Not the physical building but the people inside of it.

As I have gotten older and started to take on my faith as my own more and more things seem to irritate me. Call me a liberal a conservative a Christian, a heretic, call me whatever you like, but labels have never been my kind of thing. But if it suits you to put me in a category by all means go ahead, if it makes you comfortable lock me in a box. But I'm not much for comfort or for boxes. But a huge part of me believes that the Church is. That the Church finds comfort in it's four walls, that they preach all these messages of outreach and loving people and what not but that's all it is. Words. Sermons, hands-failing, but never hands-reaching.

Morgan Chilulu puts it this way "A church that lives within it's four walls is no church at all." Truth. Here in this one sentence. Too many churches live within there walls. Within their labels, within comforts and boxes. And I'm beginning to understand why my sister and friends don't even like the sound of the word. Don't even like the sound of Christian, or Jesus, or Faith. Because so many times they've entered into this building. This place that is suppose to be a sanctuary, a place of love and forgiveness and all they have received is hypocritical glances and stares of distain. No loved offered, no hands reached out. Just ugly stares from these so-called Christians.

There is this idea that a church is made for certain people. But this idea could never be more wrong. A Church is not a place for perfect people. If it were it would be empty. We are all in need of a Savior and His unending grace. Not one person deserve more or less. And I think that is why I get so mad. Because when I walk into Church I feel the judgment. The eyes on me, wondering what I did Saturday night, wondering if I am doing the right things in my life. But no one truly invests. No one sits down with a cup of coffee, a hand of prayer on my shoulder and asks, What is REALLY going on in your life. Why are you unhappy, why are you hurting?

And if I feel like this as a believer and lover of Christ. I can only imagine what those people who don't believe or don't truly have a grasp on Christ feel. You see Jesus wrecked my life, shattered it to pieces, and put it back together again more beautifully than I can imagine. I didn't need a church to do that. I don't need a church to tell me who I am or who I can become. That's God. I don't need a church to be a follower of Christ. I am a Church.

Too many churches want to stay within their buildings, but that is not who I am called to be. I'm not called to be held back by four walls. I am called to be the Church. Our loving, pursuing Father God set aside the glories of heaven for the stench of this broken world. But do our churches? He left ninety-nine in safety for the one who wandered into harm. But do our churches? He beckons us to leave the comfort of our cushioned churches and homes, and work places to reach out in love to those who are hurting, and searching. But are our Churches?

I'm not condemning any one church, I'm not even sure what I am doing. I'm just thinking. That if Christ hadn't grabbed my heart the way He did, I don't know if a church would have been a huge help to me. I didn't find Christ in the church. I found Christ in people. And too often I think the church focuses on becoming a building rather than a people for His Kingdom.


If I am honest, most times I felt more welcomed at the churches in Africa than I ever did at my churches in America. And it is in those moments that I understand why my sister looks at me funny when I say I want to go to church. Why she feels that the church is nothing but a building full of judgmental people. Why a church says it will support and reach out but never does. I can understand and grasp onto her thinking. And realize that she and many of my friends don't want to go church. So I am called to be the church. And maybe we are all called to be the church. Just seek Him. Ask Him. If you can handle the truth, He will not leave you without an answer.

Not in a pushy overbearing you must have Jesus way. But in a loving, hand reaching out kind of way. The same way that God reached out to me. I must reach out to them. It's not a job, it's a life. It's not a goal to save souls and walk away once someone has said the sinner's prayer. I am a long-term person. And if one person sees the love of Christ in me, it's worth every minutes of time spent. In fact it's worth spending the rest of my life for.

Because I am called to be a church. To live outside my four walls. To leave the safety of the ninety-nine for the one who has wandered into harm.


Trying to be a better Church,

 HIS and yours,


   Cami