Just some rambling thoughts

God is extremely good. So, so, so extremely good. I mean words don't do it justice and I often forget how good He is, but then there are days or weekends like this past one that remind me how faithful, and loving, and amazing He is.

This past weekend I got to spend my days serving some beautiful young women and serving with some beautiful people. It's amazing how God knows exactly what you need and the moment you need it. I mean yes I'm still struggling with some tears and unhappiness, but for a moment I got to see that even in my hard times God can use me. He takes the stories He has given me and allows me to share them with other people. He gives me the faith and the words to speak into people's lives and I know, I know I couldn't do it without Him. It's crazy that He uses me, me of all people!

I met some amazing people this weekend and made some wonderful new friends and after all the questions and wondering why I am not in Africa right now and why I am in Iowa, God gave me one of those answers. As I stood behind a podium and talked about my faith and the long-life changing journey. As I sat at a back table and watched young women discover the love of God and let it transform their hearts and minds. As I stood and worshiped with so many people who love God like me and who have a heart for His people. You see, I am unhappy, it was apparent coming home from this weekend and realizing that my heart struggles every day to realize that right now this is where I am suppose to be. But this weekend my heart had no struggles, no cares, it was free in the arms of Christ and He took and filled it with so much love for the people I worked with and the girls I got to meet and watch grow in their faith and love. He is amazing. He is wonderful. He is extremely good.

He just works and moves His hands over my life in amazing ways. Like getting an email from the family I lived with in Tanzania. I cried and cried as I wrote back asking how my beautiful brothers and sisters were doing and how Mama and Baba were doing. And I praise God for the way He places His hands on my heart and reminds me that even though sometimes I get upset and weepy, He is working and He knows what I need.

He allows me to sit and talk with girls who struggle with grasping on His love, just like I did for so long, to encourage them and remind them how deep, wide, long, and immeasurable His love is for them. Allows me to sit and talk with amazing people about my heart for Africa. He allows me to remember that His calling in my life is to serve and love people no matter where I am. That He knows my deepest desires and where my heart is, but that He also knows that other people around the world... yes even in Iowa... need Him like I do. So He calls me to serve here. And although I grumble and complain, He still manages to use me. He still takes my brokenness and my unhappiness and pushes me to believe deeper and grow more and become stronger in who He is.

This real world is so frustrating and many days I just wish I could be at home with my King. Many days I wish I didn't have to worry about money, or working, or finding a car, or all the American dream things. I wish I could just be sitting in the dirt with kids in my arms, cooking chapiti, and speaking a language I don't understand. I wish I could be doing so many other things. But God has placed me here right now, and I know from this weekend that He is calling me to do greater things here than I have been.

That I need to stop getting so frustrated and upset with the way life is going, because He will suplly al my needs. He will take care of me. That I don't need to worry about relationships or money or a car, because in all His timing... His perfect timing, He will work everything out. And in that I am content, in that I am resting.

Yes, I still have my episodes of crying and calling out to Him asking Him why and He listens and He answers in crazy awesome God ways. He's working and I just need to be patient in all the opportunities to be patient. To continue to look to Him and ask Him, "What can I do for you today, right now in the place that I am?" To stop being a giant baby and wipe off my tears, get on my knees and pray fervently for who and where and what He is calling me to in this moment and the moments to come. I know the answers won't come right away, but my faith tells me that He is moving constantly and the answers and the people and the places will reveal themselves to me. I just have to wait.

And in the waiting He is placing people in my life to talk to and who listen. People to share Him with and love on. And that I must do, that is what I was made for. No matter where, no matter when, no matter what. to love God and love His people. Always.


   Trusting in His supply,

HIS and yours,

   Cami