a Journal of a Post...

I found some journals today... I realize I really like to write. I also realize I'm really glad that I really like to write. I love the piles and piles of journals I own, written and unwritten in. They tell my story. My own story from my own hand, in my own words. My life in pen on paper, the story of how God has constantly moved in my life. 4 of those journals were taken with me overseas and to other missions trips. I'm attached to these and I don't think I will ever be able to throw them away. They have such good gems in them. Life lessons, struggles, pains, joys. It's amazing. That my own words from so long ago could mean the world to me today. God is always working and moving, even in something I wrote down years ago. Now I know why He made me to write. He gave me the gift to write so that I could touch not only my own life with my own words but so many others. And that HUMBLES me beyond no end.

So I share with you snippets of these journal entries, snippets into the deepest parts of me, into the deepest parts of these pages. Where God has, is, and continues to teach me about His love, His plan, and the abundance of His Grace...


12-30-09

"If I am going to serve Jesus. If I am going to do this. I'f I'm going to be a Christian... Dear God, let be the real thing!"

The beginning of me trying to live out a truly poured out lifestyle, and struggle to know what that really means and who it would make me. 

9-6-10

"Tough, hard, pain, affliction, questions. Words. No Words can explain the struggle and the battle raging in my heart. I have this huge desire to serve God in all that I do, but distractions are beginning to drown me." 

 Times of toughness, spelt out to shape me and mold me and change me into a stronger servant for Him.

12-18-10 

 "So many desicions to make. God I need your hand to guide me in the right direction, in Your direction." 

Simple prayers lifted up, written down, hit my heart.

8-30-2011

"God will make beautiful things out of the dust in my life. May He use my feeble hands and efforts and love to build Himself a Kingdom."

Struggling to realize that even though I'm dirty and tattered, God will use me and calls me to be the Hands and Feet of Christ for His Kingdom.

4-2-2012

"I keep thinking 'really God me, you want me?' And I tend to ask that question a lot when God calls me to do something." 

When my first nudging of moving to Africa after graduation came, all I could think was "really, me, you want me, I'm so unworthy." In this one sentence, just reading it, I can still feel my questioning.



12-10-2012

"God help me have strength to love today. Especially when I don't feel like it. Give me strength to work past pain and exhaustion so I can love and serve You and Your children. Teach me of Love, Your reckless love." 

I laugh, seeing how I prayed for an over abundance of love for those kids and now that I am home the love... His love is still overflowing from me and He is still having to teach me how to love.

4-17-2013

"And I realize that this is the place I am suppose to be right now. To follow Jesus, obey Him, and make my best efforts with His grace to treat people with love and care for them unconditionally. To love them where I am whenever I can. To realize that Iowa is where I am now and where He needs me now and to wait on Him to move me and never move myself. He's got me."

And today... waiting on His calling, on His plans, no I'm not in Africa right now, I'm not where my heart is at, but He has me here in this place for a reason and I am beginning to see that He can use me everywhere and anywhere when I lay myself down.

Every entry comes from a journal in the picture. Every journal went through a journey and I continue to go through that journey as I fill one journal and move to the next. It's kind of the way I look at God writing our stories... We have a series of short journeys. He scrolls those journeys in a journal, the way I do every time I go someplace new. I fill it up and move onto the next journal. Every time I fill up a journal it's usually by the time the old journey is ending and the new one is beginning. And I believe that is the way God is working and writing my story this moment. He's filled up a journal my short journey has finished and now He is beginning a new one, as I begin this transition period. I just have to wait and realize that these journeys are here for me to get to my final destination and that is to be with Him. So I just need to be patient and maybe go buy another journal to pass my time. Though I'm pretty sure I have another box full in my closet somewhere.


Journaling through Journeys


HIS and yours,


  Cami