It's a struggle everyday to remember that God places me in these seasons to teach me new and greater things. And sometimes it takes a conversation with my dad, full on runny nose and leaking eyes to see that God is moving, even when it doesn't seem like it.
Today was rough. Really rough. I woke up hurting and it just seem to get heavier as the day went on. At work, worrying through my new position handling money... I've never been good at handling money; I'd much rather be holding orphans than holding money! to being ignored by someone I love when I'm trying to share my heart, to almost getting rear-ended, and spilling coffee all over my floorboards in my car. It just seemed that for a moment I had happiness and then too quickly the enemy came and filled those open cracks in my spirit with incidents.
If I'm honest the days are hard. My dad explained to me that I need to look at this season as my life as another time to plant more seed, to stretch out my limbs and reach for others, to love, to share my stories, my heart, and to share His word with. And I think that's what I've been struggling with the most. Here it's easy for me to think that most people don't need me, don't need my love. But unlike overseas it's harder to see here, because the need isn't as much physical as it is spiritual and emotional. People here are really good at seeming like they are put together, I am not one of those people, I feel like I am never put together, that I'm always out of sorts. But it's kind of how I like to live my life. Always on the edge ready to jump when God says jump. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, but it seems natural enough to me.
But today I felt more out of sorts, I felt like I was on the edge, but on the wrong cliff. I kept getting poked and prodded in my spirit. Definitely from the enemy, finding the littlest cracks and sneaking through and I'm seeing that I am truly a continuing work in progress, seeing that these cracks needed to be filled by Jesus's grace and mercy. And I don't know what the point of this post was but to just let it all out of my heart and my mind. To see that yes I am hurting, everyday, but that God is working everyday. He's out in front of me and He will make everything fall into place.
My dad, in his wise words said it this way. God is using this season in my life to peel away the things that cause me to worry and cause me to not depend on Him. He's peeling them away and He's seeing into my heart and He sees where my heart is and it's burdens and He is faithful to those who are faithful to Him. I just have to continue every single day to give it to Him and remember that He already knows what I am to do with the rest of my life. He's the best author out there.
So driving home today after my almost accident as I cried and scream and prayed for something anything to remind me that He's still working even through my hurting. A song came on from my ipod. A song called Promises. It's by Sanctus Real and basically I heard it and it was like a mini answer to my screaming prayer. That I need to hold onto His promises and never let go and through everything He is there always to the very end of the age.
Holding onto His Promises through the hurting,
HIS and yours,
Cami
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