Jesus gave me Words mixed with Coffee...

I was having coffee with a friend this past Sunday. The coffee was really strong and kept me up half the night, but the conversation was a million times stronger and I think that's what kept me up for the rest of the night. 

We talked about a lot of things, but there was something that kind of hit me in the heart. God's been really good at doing that lately. Just hitting me right in the heart. 

He paraphrased a C.S. Lewis quote that I had never heard before. The paraphrase made a really good point in what we were talking about but it made an even bigger point in my heart. So on the drive home I thought about it, replayed the words in my head. When I got home and as I ate dinner I thought about it some more. And then laying in bed, tossing and turning I thought about it. There was something about those words, something about that quote that made my heart unsettled. Finally I slept, and when I woke up I didn't really think much of it anymore. 

Until today, when the quote he paraphrased shows up word for word in the book I'm reading and my heart kind of goes "oh God, there you are." The quote is this:

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased." -C.S. Lewis.

I read it over and over again. Color it with my bright pink highlighter. Heart churning, mind racing. God what are you trying to show me. 

I'm making mud pies.

I am making mud pies.

I am that ignorant child making mud pies.

You see I'm trying to be content in the life I am living right now. But God is saying "no, there is so much more, look up from the ground and into the sky!" 

So I've been trying to look up more and to be honest it scares the living daylights out of me. The things that God is asking of me. It scares me. Because I know that some of these things are going to make people upset, they are going to make me have to step out of my home comfort zone. And those are two things I don't necessarily like to do. 

He's asking me to stretch, to dream bigger, to live bigger, to make my desires stronger. Because right now they are weak compared to all the things He desires for me. All the things I've been blinding myself to see. The things that I am feeling and wanting to do are frightening to me. 

He is asking me now "Will you take what defines you, leave it behind, and let Me define who you are instead?" 

Will I let go of my pride and my stubborness and take the leap of faith and let Him do what He wants in this moment and in the moments to come. 

It's an everyday choice, one I've been struggling to make. 

Do I go back to school and get my nursing degree?

Do I take this new job if it's offered to me?

Do I get involved with youth and let myself be open to the things He wants to do?

Do I trust that everything that's been going on in my heart and mind He knows and has a purpose and plan for?

Will I, unlike the rich young man give up all my possessions, all my hopes, my dreams, my future, give everything up, no matter the cost and follow Him to wherever He decides to lead me.

The answer to all these questions is Yes.... though my voice is shaking, it is still Yes.

Why would anyone say no?

None of the stuff I am holding on to is going to last, including myself.... That it won't take dying for me to give away my stuff.

Life is dreadfully short and withering away and I want to arrive at heaven's gate screeching to a halt because I have ran the race with full abandonment and can't figure out how to put on my breaks. 

I want what I do to point to Jesus. 

So each day I challenge myself to let go of myself...

My pride. My ambitions. My fears. My future. 

And know that He's got it all. Every little thing. 

Through my friend, Jesus gave me words mixed with coffee. 

And He gave my heart a new challenge...

Accepting His Challenge, His Calling,

 HIS and yours,

  Cami