In Being Alone... I'm Learning More About Love.

I tend to think more when I'm by myself. Tend to process more. Tend to learn more. Tend to write more. There are days like today when I am thankful to have a place to spill my thoughts on pages. To be raw and real and open. It could also be that the company I've had for the past five days have consisted of two interesting smelly fish and a playful fluffy golden retriever. So there is a lot of space in between to really think, to really grasp onto and try and understand the lessons I am learning and growing from.

The other day I had to really sit down and think about my life and I had to write about it and then share about it. This particular area of my life isn't something I really enjoy talking about, it's a struggle to write about, struggle to think about, struggle to talk about. But God has given me a beautiful story to share and who would I be to not share the love and the grace and the beauty that Jesus has wrecked my life with. Especially in being single.

Another couple of friends got engaged this week. It was there the moment I opened up Facebook. It's kind of funny, because if I'm honest two, three years ago my heart got pretty bitter when I would open up my news feed and see all these happy couples with there nose touching pictures and there strategically placed hands in photos so a giant glittering ring could be seen. I honestly would roll my eyes in disgust. Weddings, Marriages, Engagements all of it just made me sick. Not because I hate it, but because I so desperately wanted this. But looking back from this moment, from this MOnday night, I'm seeing that in being alone, I've learned so much about love.

Not a romantic kind of love. But a love that is unconditional. Love that never leaves, never forsakes, never runs out, never gives up. God's love. And I don't think I would have ever been able to learn about that if I didn't spend my days with dogs, and fish, and traveling the world, and with people who I seem to find unloveable, and with the people the world deems unloveable.

If you would of told thirteen year old me that at 22 years old I wouldn't even have a prospect of a dating relationship, she probably would have thrown at temper tantrum, cried and scream some unnecessary words and pouted for the next couple days.

Thirteen year old me is so immature.

But to be honest I am so glad that I'm alone. Well alone in a sense because God is always with me. Truth be told I've learn so much more about love in this area of my life than I thought I ever could. God's been teaching me to love, even when it's difficult. And trust me when I say this, most times it is. At work, in school, in the day to day. When people are so unnecessarily rude and all you want to do is just hit someone or something and yet there's God whispering in my ear. Smile at them. Offer help to the woman yelling at you. Follow that man around the store and carry all his things for him. Stop on the side of the road for that girl with her thumb in the air. Drop the money I have blessed you with in that man's cup. Love them.

And I'm learning from this. Learning that Jesus didn't mean just love those who fit into our idea of lovable. He meant those who are broken; those who are scarred; those who no one else will touch. Jesus meant love them all. We don't pick and choose, Jesus never did, so why, as follower's of Christ, should we?

I'm learning that there is more than just this romantic love that everyone is so bent on having. I'm learning that there is love so much greater. Love that is so much stronger. Love that truly conquers all. His love. Love that is stronger than death. Love that conquered the grave. Love that water cannot quench and floods cannot drown. His love. Beautiful love. Grace-giving, Faith fulfilling Love.

And in the five days of being alone and in the two days I spent addressing the singleness of my life. I saw something that I have been missing. That I'm not really alone, that this love that is overflowing inside of me for so many people and places and things is not my own but God's desire, God's love in me and it's a beautiful thing.

Nothing could put this fire of love out, no water could quench and I'm thirsting for more. I can't wait to be so covered in love that it pours out onto those who feel unloved, who the world thinks aren't good enough, who need His grace-giving, faith-fulfilling, life changing love. I want Him to be that Love through me. That there would be so much of Him that I am not seen. That's what I desire. More than a fluffy white dress, or flowers in my hair, or a ring on my finger. I desire more of the Father's love. So so much more.


Drinking in more of HIS love,


HIS and yours,


 Cami