Don't waste your life.

God's word says, "To whom much is given, much will be required." We are the ones to whom much has been given.

My life is yours my Heavenly Bridegroom, for You are the only one that can satisfied. No earthly romance will ever do. In this life, in this singleness, I am freer than I will ever be to give my life to those in need and become Your advocate for the least around the world. Take me. Use me. Lead me.

As the summer has gone and all the things that God taught me and continues to teach me are sinking in I have realized that He has a much calling upon my life then spending all my time and energy on trying to be a perfect student, a perfect friend, and trying to find the perfect guy. Especially the last one. Paul wrote, being unmarried/ single is an amazing opportunity to serve the Lord without distraction. It's that I might find a decent Christian guy by reading books on how to get noticed, or by joining one of those Christian Singles website. But what a great adventure I will miss out on! If I were to take this pen out of God's hand and try to script it myself. What romance, beauty, and glory I'd forgo if I were to try to script this story myself.

We as humans, in our human selfish desire are so focused on ourselves and what the world is calling us to. How to get the latest styles, become more appealing to the opposite sex, money, even school. We live lives completely focused on self. Meanwhile, children are starving, women are being sold as sex slaves, and so many families are being torn apart by AIDS, diseases, and poverty.

Right now these years of my life, more than ever, I have the ability to give my life for them; to pour out my time, my energy, my love, and everything I have to them. The question I have to ask myself is am I using my gifts to serve people or am I losing them trying to use them on myself?

Right now I am dedicated these years and all the years beyond to be poured out for the glory of Christ. I am willing to lay all my own pursuits upon the altar and allow Him to make my body a living sacrifice. It may be a painful letting go of my comforts and dreams. And it means that I am and will forgo my constant striving to find my earthly prince. But I am exchanging all this for a more "hidden" life of sacrificial service to Christ. It means becoming far less "available to be noticed by guys and other people as well, and far more available for Jesus Christ's purposes. This commitment may call me to an orphanage in Africa, to a remote village in Nicaragua, or an inner-city slum. God may ask me to pour out my life for one child, or give my life to rescue hundreds.

As odd as it may sound, I believe the best way to find a godly marriage partner is to stop hunting for one, and instead focus my entire life around Jesus Christ and His priorities. I should never put off fulfilling God's calling upon my life because I haven't met the man of my dreams yet. If He wants me to be married, He is more than capable of bringing a man into my life in the most unlikely way, in the most unlikely place.

Remember that there are many Christ-built warrior poet men out there who are praying and hoping for a set-apart young women – one who is not following after the trends of the culture, one who is not wallowing around in discontentment or on the prowl for a guy. Nothing would thrill a true warrior-poet’s heart more than to know that his future bride was spilling her life out for the sake of the Gospel. Want to find a godly guy? Focus on pouring your life out for Jesus Christ, and leave the rest to Him. As it says in Psalm 57:2, He will be more than faithful to fulfill His purposes for you.

If you are struggling with discontentment in your singleness, or even if you are married and struggling with trying to be the perfect spouse. One of the best solutions outside of cultivating daily intimacy with Jesus Christ is to forget about yourself and focus instead on serving and loving people in need. It’s somewhat counter-intuitive, but it works! Putting others’ needs above your own doesn’t lead to disappointment and misery, but to unmatched joy and fulfillment.

In Christ's Unfailing love,



HIS and yours


Cami

My Heart is Torn.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" -Jeremiah 17:9














My heart is torn between where I am and where I want to go.

I don't want to be here. I want to be with kids, I want to be with people who want to serve Christ in their everyday life and actions just as much as I do. But here, I can't seem to find them. And that scares me.

I don't want to make a generalization, because the truth is I don't know everyone, correction I know no one. But I know that I need to be here, because if I didn't need to, God wouldn't have me here. It's a battle I daily fight to surrender it to God and say USE ME. Here. Because He has given me a task to Shine His light, not my own. Not for people to know my name, but to know His. Because if I don't point people to God for an everlasting joy, I don't love. I waste my life.

God has not called me to be made much of, but to make much of Him in every part of my life. I am slowly coming to grips with how He has and is changing me and realizing that I am different, I am changing, and the people around me aren't. I think the scary part of that is I feel like I am losing my friends. But God says to love nothing more than Him. Because He is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.

My prayer is that God will use me, especially in ways I could never imagine. Because He is the most amazing, unpredictable, loving God ever. I have fallen in love with Him more. I pray that the relationship I have with Him will deepen and grow stronger and that I will tremble and His holy name, having a holy fear for Him, and no fear for the things of this earth.

I believe that if you want your life to count, if you want the ripple effect of the pebbles you drop to become waves that reach the ends of the earth and roll on into eternity, you don't have to have good looks, or riches, or come from a fine family or a fine school. Instead you have to know a few great majestic, unchanging, obvious, simple, glorious things-- or one great-all-embracing thing- and be set on fire by Him!

I am just extremely thirsty, I feel like I am in a drought. But people go deep with God when the drought comes. I know how much I need the deepening, the presence of my Beloved. I am thirsty and God is calling me to the waters, Come and drink deep.


In Christ's Fulfilling Love,

HIS and yours,

Cami

Uncomfortable.

God is glorious beyond anything I can say in words. He is near to us. In us. He has saved us. Let us tell the world. Starting NOW.

Life is more than breathing...

Life is more than living...

Life is more than just getting along...

Life is more that dying...

I realized today that I have been in an unusual slump the past six days, I think it has a lot to do with pushing God out because I was feeling so uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because I am so different now. Uncomfortable because my best friend won't even speak to me. Uncomfortable with people on this campus. Uncomfortable because I feel like I never know what's going on with friends or family. Uncomfortable because I don't know. Uncomfortable.

I need a resolution and I know only God can give it to me. So I know I just have to sit patiently and wait on Him, because He's the only thing I truly have. Now and Forever.

Because unlike the people around me, He will listen, He will understand and most of all He will never leave nor forsake me. Because He loves me.


HIS and yours,

Cami

PRAY

Do not pray for easy lives!
Pray to be stronger men.
Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers.
Pray for powers equal to your tasks.
Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle,
but you shall be a miracle.
-Phillips Brooks.


"My times are in Your hand" -Psalm 31:15.

Shining Recklessly!

It's around 6 in the morning, I quietly slide out of bed, so not to wake my roommates. Slip on some shoes and walk out our apartment door, down the stairs, out the door and decided to just stand and look at the sky. The sky is a perfect, pale blue. The sun has just risen, weak, and watery-looking, like it has just spilled itself over the horizon and is too lazy to clean itself up.
My mind begins to wander again and I realized that I am still shocked by how different I feel being back at school. I forgot how people ask you how you are, but they really don't want to know. They ask you how your summer is and how they want to hear all about what you did and what God did, but they really don't. I realized that the genuine kindness and friendliness that people say we have so much on our campus, only exist on the surface. How many of those hellos go deeper than that, how many how are you's are answered by and hour long conversation. It's rare, because no one really wants to know, because the truth is we are so fast paced. How many have stood outside at 6 in the morning and just stared at the sky, in awe of God's creation. Took appreciation in little things like shoes? clothes? furniture? friends? family?
It's true I'm still adjusting to the culture, my own culture. Who would have thought I would be this affected by the Yukon and the kids. I know I never really did. And now I find my mind with them and my heart. It's hard when people ask me to tell them about my summer, because I know they don't actually want to sit down and talk with me, they want the shorten, condensed version. And at times it's hard because I want to share, I want to shine as recklessly as I did this summer. But I'm realizing here there is so much more burning out my light. It's a constant spiritual battle to keep on shining, but I know God's got me in His hands and He will never let my light go out.
You see I didn't do anything this summer, it was all God and only through His strength that I served for 3 months in the Yukon. I want to share my summer so bad because I want God to be praised for it! "if anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 4:11).
All I know is that no matter what people say, or how fake the smiles may be, I will serve Him always, Depend on Him always, Love Him always and Always Always Shine Recklessly For HIM! And whatever I do I pray that people will see Christ and not me.



Grace and Peace be yours in abundance.


HIS and yours,

Cami



There is hope, though. There is a true Savior — Someone who sees you in the midst of your pain, and He’s waiting for you to stop chasing human heroes and look to Him. He has His own scarred hands — scars that speak of your pain; scars that speak of your own hopelessness; scars that speak of the victory He has won for you. He bore your scars so you would have no need for your own, and no matter how deep and dark your pit, His eye is always on you…even when it doesn’t feel like it.

There is Nothing Wrong with You...

"There is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7.





I have returned to Iowa, and soon will be returning to school. It's crazy how much can change for only being gone for 3 months. Friends getting married/engaged/finding relationships. Death of family members. Friends that are no longer friends. New people to keep up with. And so much more.

When I returned, I felt so out of place and at times I still do. I feel like I m constantly getting in everyone's way, everyone is always on the go and I just want to sit with my Bible and my journal and pray. In an instant I felt lost, like I didn't belong like something was wrong with me. I opened my Bible at 3 in the morning last night, when the thought popped into my head, to Songs, I was planning on reading 5:10-16, because it's something that God placed in my heart this summer to memorize, but instead my eyes landed on Song of Solomon 4:7, which I underlined early this summer "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is NO flaw in you." As I read this I heard a faint whisper through the darkness saying. "There is nothing wrong with you, all beautiful you are, my darling. There is no flaw in you." And then I cried. Yeah, I seem to be doing that a lot lately, and at times it's been getting pretty annoying. But I was amazing how God never ceases to, well... AMAZE ME!

It's been a eye-opening, heart-fulling, life-changing summer. 3 months ago I began on this journey that I never thought would change me so much! I started off the summer thinking "I can't wait for God to use me so much." But little did I know that He would use these kids to touch my heart and change my life for good. You see at the beginning of the summer and into the summer I was fighting these battles with myself, inner spiritual battles of things I just don't want to let go. At times I feel like I don't fit, I don't work with people, I am better off as an independent, that I have so many flaws is the reason why I am alone. And God, He was sick of my complaining. haha. He Chiseled me down so much, that I am still sore and hurting. (the good hurting, you know like after you work out type :P). I discovered little things and He used the kids to show me things! And showed Himself mighty, true, and faithful. If I didn't have God, I don't think, no I KNOW I wouldn't be anywhere near the person I am, or have the amount of faith I do. All because God is my life, my love, my all in all!

Most of all He showed me where my true desire lies. And the fact that I don't any desire to have a boyfriend, or sit down and watch hours of tv or movies, or read magazines, or be on facebook 24/7, and so on. That is all okay, in fact it's better than okay because I have so much time to PRAY! And dig into the Word and just sit at the feet of my King and drink in His presence.

And when I feel like I don't fit in, it's because I don't and I'm not suppose. I am becoming a corpse to this world, and the world is becoming a corpse to me. If people don't accept me, it's okay because God accepts me, He loves me. What I love determines what I feel shame, and sadness about. If I love people to make much of me, I wil feel shame and sadness when they don't. But if I love for people to make much of Christ, then I will feel shame if He is belittled on my account. Because God and God alone is the alone treasure that last. When everything in my life was stripped away this summer, when I couldn't shower, when I had no constant contact with people, no computer, sometime not enough food. I found that I had God and He could fill my every need, He took away the hunger, the stink :) and so much more. I trusted Him so much more because He is all I had and because of that I gained so much more this summer than I could have ever imagined.

This is nowhere near everything that happened this summer, this is just something I need to share for encouragement. Because I know they are people out there who feel as if they don't fit in, and they waste their life on trying. Listen to God, "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU." You are okay, better than okay, just as you are. You don't have to be funnier, cuter, quieter, trendier, more spiritual, have a relationship, have a million friends. Rather than defending yourself from other people's opinions and your own as well, let those five words fight for you. Look to God because He says "There is nothing wrong with you."



In Christ's flawless love,


HIS and yours,


Cami

Overwhelming Feelings...

‎"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name. I will praise You, O lord my God, with forever. For great is Your love toward me; You have delivered me from the depths of the grave." -Psalm 86:11-13.

Wow. the summer has come to an end. My thoughts are jumble and I am trying to sort through everything that has happened this summer and how much I have changed. It is amazing how much one summer can change me and how much my mind has not yet settled on the fact that I will be returning to family and friends that I haven't seen in 2 and half months. and that fact that their life has gone on even when I have been gone. And having to buiild relationships up again and find ways to just share GOD!


Last week I had a break down, I was alone, for the first time in a long long time and I just broke. I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt inadequate to serve these kids and God. Things on the team were falling apart, I felt as if everything was coming crashing in around me and there was just something inside me that opened up the floodgates and laying on a smelly red cushioned seat in our trailer, I broke down and cried and yelled at God. "why am I here, what purpose does this have?" and many more. I don't know what happened but I calmed down and sat up and flipped open my Bible to Psalm 86 and began reading. The Psalm was just something that touched my heart and I prayed to God that He would continue to show me the way that He wanted me to go and not the way I wanted to go! I just nailed all my issues and frustrations to the corss and Let go and Let God take it all. Our God is so MIGHTY! And His full of mercy and grace that He so often pours out upon me and I take advantage of.

I can't wait to return home and share all that I have experienced, it may take a couple days, but I am excited an anxious and also scared. But I know God has me in His hands, He has my life, there is no need to rush anything and He will bring people in to my life that I need to know and meet and love in His time. I can't wait to see what He has in store!

But I always have to remember that the Lord is God, and it is He who made me and I am HIS. I am a sheep in His pasture, I am His daughter. His love ENDURES FOREVER! He has placed this desire in me to serve Him and I know that it's not wrong to have this holy ambition to be mightly used by God. because He has put that desire for greatness in my soul, for the great One lives inside of me. I was created to live the big dream of HIS heart. Why settle for anything less?


See you real soon.


In Christ AWESOME love,

HIS and yours

Cami